“I’m doomed to live single forever.”
“Oh, I don’t know. If Your Highness fixed up that haircut, and showered a little more often.”
“That’s not the problem, My Lady. My parents offended my fairy godmother, Ashsiaix….”
“Ashsiaix?”
“Yes, the fairy godmother with white streaks in her purple eyebrows. My parents ran out of those miniature eclairs before she got to the buffet, and she cursed me with romantic bad luck. I went out to rescue Rapunzel once, asked her to let down her hair, and she misunderstood.”
“Well, that tower was really tall.”
“Yes, so it broke my nose when she dropped a rabbit on me.”
“You think that’s bad. MY mom and dad tried to cut her off after her fortieth glass of champagne.”
“Ashsiaix was your godmother too?”
“Oh, you betcha. She turned me into a worthless princess.”
“I wouldn’t say that. I could give you the name of the doctor who fixed MY nose.”
“I walked into a fairy ring once and was given the power to spin straws into gold.”
“Kings and dukes should be rushing to woo you!”
“That’s what I thought. Turns out they meant plastic drinking straws, and those haven’t been invented yet.”
“I tried picking up the slippers the ladies lost at the big royal ball, and all I got out of it was athlete’s hand.”
“When I took a bite of a poisoned apple, I couldn’t leave the bathroom for three days.”
“I tried trading a cow for magic beans and lost my part-time job on the Royal Ranch.”
“Oh, dear. And they have the BEST salad dressing. I thought I was going to be a legendary heroine when I found a ring that turned me invisible, but my parents just couldn’t see me going on a quest.”
“My parents are just about as bad. I offered to go on a road trip to rescue damsels from dragons, and they made me take a sidekick with a price list. They said I’d never make a living as a freelancer.”
“Well, I took a basket of goodies to my grandma and all I got was scolded for forgetting the pickles.”
“Think that’s bad? I gave my cat a pair of boots and he just hides his catnip dragons inside.”
“Hey, I went looking in the haunted forest for a hut that walked on giant chicken legs, and it turned out to be a fast food place.”
“Oh, I’ve eaten there. Great fries, but they never give you enough ketchup. Better than the time I made a big pot of soup using a stone and had to drink leftover mud for eight days.”
“Yeah? I asked around town for a magic goose and you wouldn’t believe how people acted!”
“I bought a flute that would attract rats and couldn’t figure out how to make them go away once they showed up.”
“Well…. Wait. Look at me: fighting to prove I’m unluckier than you.”
“Let’s face it: we were meant for each other. Kiss me!”
“I…oh! That was….”
“Ribald!”
“Oh, dear! Was that your fault or mine? Now we’ll never know which of us is unluckier. Here comes the king! Hide behind the rhododendron. Dad said if he found me talking to one more frog he’d send me to therapy.”
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