The Course of True Love

     Well, here it is Monday again, and do you know what it’s time for, Chocolate Lasagna?  No, not getting to sit next to that lady with the mask-dislodging sneeze on your commute.  It’s time for another installment of our old joke quiz.

     You say you prefer the lady with the sneeze?  Well, there’s no disputing about tastes.  I’ve met people who don’t like chocolate lasagna.

     This finishes the chapter of jokes on romance and dating.  You remember the rules: really old joke with the punchline removed, tucked away in the Answer section where you don’t need it because you know all about romance.  (And no, I don’t need you to tell me where you and the sneezing lady went for lunch.)

     J1.Henrietta is the type of girl you’d take home to mother, provided (          ).

J2.Dear Henrietta:

     I love you, I adore you, I idolize you.  Nothing van come between us.  For you, my loveliest love, I would climb the highest mountain, swim the widest ocean, crawl through the hottest desert.

     Love, Love Love, Johnny XOXOXOXOX

     P.S. See you Saturday night (          ).

J3.”Henrietta,” said Johnny, “I know I can’t buy you furs, like Pat Westfield, or drive you around in the latest Rolls Royce, like Pat Westfield, and offer you a palatial mansion to live in, like Pat Westfield.  But I worship you.  Do you think you could love a man like me?”

     “Of course, silly,” she replied, “But (          ).”

J4.”How did your date with Henrietta go last night?”

     “Not so bad.  We went for a drive in the country, and it was a lovely moonlit night, so she wanted to enjoy it with the top down.  So after an hour and a half, I got the roof open….”

     “An hour and a half?  My car can open the roof in, like, two minutes!”

     “Yes, but (          )”

J5.Lewis and Thelma were out for a drive in the country that night, too.  “Can you drive with one hand?” Thelma asked.

     “Sure!” said Lewis.

     “Great!”  said Thelma, “Then (          )”

J6.”You’re not just saying you love me because my uncle left me nineteen oil wells, are you?”

     “Of course not.  I’d love you (          ).”

J7.The Census Bureau was curious about an Iowa town that had reported exactly the same population for over a century.  They sent out a representative to find out if this was really true.

     “No mystery to it,” said the mayor, “Whenever a baby is born, (          )”

J8.”Kate’s a beauty and cooks like a gourmet chef, but Edith’s not bad to look at and has plenty of money.  I don’t know what to do.”

     “Well, make up your mind.  You can’t (         )”

J9.Henrietta’s father had it out with Johnny one night.  “You’ve been seeing my daughter a lot lately.  Are your intentions honorable or are you just fooling around with her?”

     “:Gosh!” said Johnny “(          )”

J10.Henrietta’s mother, meanwhile, was telling the neighbor, “I hope she doesn’t marry Johnny.  He can’t drink, he can’t smoke, and he can’t gamble.”

     “Well, I think those are admirable traits,” said the neighbor.

     “He can’t smoke, drink, or gamble,” said her mother, “But (          ).”

J11.Henrietta’s grandfather, 98 years young, announced his intention to marry a chorus girl seventy-five years younger.  “That kind of excitement could be fatal!” exclaimed his son.

     The old man shrugged.  “(          )”

J12.Henrietta and Johnny were married, though both sets of parents thought they were too young.  During the ceremony, as Johnny repeated the formula, “With all my worldly goods I thee endow,” his mother sighed, “Well, (          )”

     Just so you can check whether you had the grammar right in your ANSWERS, here are the official ones.  (Stop sneezing.)

     A1.If you could trust your father

     A2.if it doesn’t rain

     A3.tell me more about Pat Westfield

     A4.You have a convertible

     A5.have an apple

     A6.I’d love you no matter how many oil wells he left you

     A7.some guy leaves town

     A8.You can’t have your Kate and Edith too

     A9.I get a choice?

     A10.He does

     A11.If she dies, she dies

     A12.there goes his bicycle

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