Doctor, Doctor II

     I ordinarily wouldn’t give you two joke quizzes in a row (knowing you need to rest up from the excitement of the usual Monday installment) but I am trying to post a quick blog for Wednesday, as I will be busy having what I am told is extremely minor surgery.  (Yeah, if they were doing it to YOU, I”D call it minor surgery.)  And I note that in the original book of joke quizzes, I moved directly from the psychology jokes to the doctor jokes, all of them just as old and generally including a cry of “Hey, Doc!”

     I suppose in the aftermath of the operation I shall be quite ashamed of myself for loafing to this extent, but until then, I will just claim it was doctor’s orders.  The punchlines to these elderly bits of humor come at the end, as usual.

     J1.”Let’s discuss your family, to begin with.  Are any of them troubled with insanity?”

     “No, Doc, (          ).”

     J2.I was meeting a friend at her therapist’s office, but I wasn’t sure of the time; I knew we were supposed to meet when her session was finished.  She was in the waiting room when I got there, and I asked, “Are you coming or going?”

     She looked at me and said, “(          )

     J3.”Do you have trouble making decisions>”

     “Well, Doc, (          )”
     J4.”Doc, it’s such a relief to be cured of my kleptomania.  How can I thank you enough?”

     “You’ve paid your bill, and I don’t really require more than that.  However, (          ).”

     J5.Two therapists left the clinic at the end of the day, and Dr./ DeFroid looked aty Dr. DeKink and said, “I don’t see how you can come out looking so fresh after listening to people’s problems all day long.”

     Dr. DeKink shrugged and replied, “(          )”

      J6.Joe stepped up to the office of the surgeon, where he read “Dr. Krankheit, 12 to 3.”

     “Let’s go home, Matilda,” he said, “(          )”

     J7.”Did you consult anyone else about this condition before coming to my office?”

     “Just my pharmacist.”

     “And what stupid advice did he give you?”

     “(          )”

     J8.”You have to help me, Doc.  Every time I eat my ears ring and my eyes bug out.”

     “I see,.  Have you ever had this before?”

     “Yes, Doc.”

     “Well, (          )”

     J9.”Will you guarantee this treatment will make my skin clear up?”

     “No, Ma’am.  (          )“

     J10.”I’m worried about the diagnosis of liver trouble, Doctor.  My uncle went to Dr. Fillmore for liver trouble and died of a heart attack.”

     “Don’t worry.  (          )”

     J11.”You have to help me, Doc.  I just bit myself really hard on the forehead.”

     “How could you bite yourself on the forehead?”

     “Easy.  (          )”

     J12.”Doc, I’ve been seeing these ads for a new drug to treat persistent logorrhea, and I’m sure I need it.”

     “You shouldn’t pay attention to those commercials.  A person with logorrhea suffers no discomfort and shows no symptoms.”

     “Really? (          )”    

    Of course, any good doctor has all the ANSWERS

A1.They enjoy it

A2.If I knew that I wouldn’t be here

A3.Yes and no

A4.if you have a relapse, I could use a toaster

A5.Who listens?

A6.I don’t like the odds

A7.He told me to see you

A8.You’ve got it again

A9.I don’t make rash promises

A10.When I treat someone for liver problems, they die of liver problems

A11.I stood on a chair

A12.That’s exactly what I’ve got!

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