Doctor, Doctor

     Well, here it is Monday again, and time for another installment from my quizbook on old jokes.  I have finally reached the Psychology chapter, in which I suggested, all those years ago, that someone should just do a whole book of the “Doc!  My wife thinks she’s a…..) jokes.  I assume someone has done that now, but in case you haven’t read one, the answers to these are found at the end.

     J1.I’m seeing a therapist to find out what makes me tick.  And also (     )

     J2.”My wife sent me here, Doc, because I like pancakes”

     “That’s not so strange.  I like pancakes myself.
     “Really, Doc?  you must come over  I have (          )”

       J3.”Doctor!  My son is always eating grapes!”

     “That’s not so bad.”

     “(          )”

     J4.”My husband sent me to you because I love cotton socks.”

     “What’s wrong with that?  I like cotton socks.”

     “Really?  (          )”

     J5.”Doc, I need your help.  My wife thinks she’s a chicken.”

     “How long has this been going on?”

     “Eight and a half years.”

     “Heavens!  Why didn’t you come to me before this?”

     “Well, frankly , Doc, we (          )”

     J6.”Doctor, I’M desperate.  My husband thinks he’s a refrigerator!”

     “That sounds pretty harmless.”

     “You don’t understand.  He (          )”

     J7.”You must help us, Doctor.  My husband thinks he’s a dog.”

     “How long has this been going on?”

     “Ever since (          ).”

     H8.”Your wife tells me you believe you’re a dog.  Lie down on the couch and we’ll talk about this.”

     “I can’t do that, Doc.  (          ).”

     J0.”Yes, until I met Dr. DeKink, I was convinced I was a dog.”

     “Are you better now?”

     “Am I?  (          ).”

     J10.I’m seeing a therapist about my insomnia.  It’s gotten so bad (          ).

     J11.My insomnia’s so bad that last night when I finally got to sleep (          ).

     J12.”Was Dr. DeKink able to cure your insomnia?”

     “It’s all cured now.  Sometimes (          ).”

     J13.”Doc, I think my memory’s going.”

     “How long has this been going on?”

     “(          )”

     H14.”Doc, sometimes I feel so insignificant I think no one even notices me.”

     “(          )”

     J15.”Dr. DeKink has really helped me.  I used to get so tense sometimes that I’d rip off all my clothes and start sucking my toes,.  It was so embarrassing.”

     “And he helped you stop?”

     “(          )/”

     Your therapist should have told you that you already know all the ANSWERS.

A1.what makes me chime the hour and the half hour

A2.I have boxes and boxes of them.

A3.Pdd the wallpaper

A4.With butter and salt, or do you add ketchup?

A5.We needed the eggs

A6.He sleeps with his mouth open and the little light keeps me awake

A7.he was a puppy

A8.I’m noy allowed on the furniture

A9.Feel my nose

A10.I can’t even sleep when it’s time to get up

A11.I dreamt I was awake

A12.I lie awake all night thinking how badly I used to suffer from it

A13.How long has what been going on?


A15.No, but I’m not embarrassed about it any more.

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