Blogsy Babbles

     The hand in which he wrote the address was not a steady one, but write it he did, somehow, and went down stairs to open the street door, ready for the coming of the poulterer’s man.  As he stood there, waiting his arrival, the knocker caught his eye.

     “I shall love it as long as I live!” cried Scrooge, patting it with his hand.  “I scarcely ever looked at it before.  What an honest expression it has in its face!  It’s a wonderful knocker!—Here’s the Turkey.  Hallo!  Whoop!  How are you?  Merry Christmas!”

     It WAS a Turkey!  He never could have stood upon his legs, that bird.  He would have snapped ‘e, off short in a minute, like sticks of sealing-wax.

     “Why, it’s impossible to carry that to Camden Town,” said Scrooge.  “You must have a cab.”

     The chuckle with which he said this., and the chuckle with which he paid for the Turkey, and the chuckle with which he paid for the cab, and the chuckle with which he recompensed the boy, were only to be exceeded by the chuckle with which he sat down breathless in his chair again, and chuckled till he cried.

     Shaving was not an easy task, for his hand continued to shake very much, and shaving requires attention, even when you don’t dance while you are at it.  But if he had cut the end of his nose off, he would have put a piece of sticking-plaster over it, and been quite satisfied.

     He dressed himself “all in his best”, and at last got out into the streets.  The people were by this time pouring forth, as he had seen them with the Ghost of Christmas present; and walking with his hands behind him, Scrooge regarded every one with a delighted smile.  He looked so irresistibly pleasant, in a word, that three or four good-humoured fellows said, “Good morning, sir!  A merry Christmas to you!”  And Scrooge said often afterwards, that of all the blithe sounds he had ever heard, those were the blithest to his ears.

     He had not gone far, when coming out towards him he beheld the portly gentleman, who had walked into his counting-house the day before and said, “Scrooge and Marley’s, I presume?”  It sent a [pang across his heart to think how this old gentleman would look upon him when they met, but he knew what path lay straight before him, and he took it.

     “My dear sir,” said Scrooge, quickening his pace, and taking the old gentleman by both his hands, “How do you do?  I hope you succeeded yesterday.  It was very kind of you.  A merry Christmas to you, sir!”

     “Mr. Scrooge?”

     “Yes,” said Scrooge.  “That is my name and I fear it may not be pleasant to you.  Allow me to ask your pardon.  And will you have the goodness”—here Scrooge whispered I his ear.

     “Lord bless me!” cried the gentleman, as if his breath were gone.  “My dear Mr. Scrooge, are you serious?”

     “If you please,” said Scrooge.  “Not a farthing less.  A great many back-payments are included in it, I assure you.  Will you do me that honour?”

     “My drear sir,” said the other, shaking hands with him.  “I don’t know what to say to such munifi—”

     “Don’t say anything, please,” retorted Scrooge.  “Come and see me.  Will you come and see me?”

     “I will!” cried the old gentleman.  And it was clear he meant what he said.

     “Thank’ee,” said Scrooge.  “I am much obliged to you.  I thank you fifty times.  Bless you!”

     Scrooge is now free to make amends for years of nastiness, and begins to do so.  So much happens in a short time that many filmmakers, oddly, omit the part where he stops to admire the knocker that started it all.

     It is perhaps only fair to note how many people cry “Humbug!” at this point.  Some complain that the provision of one turkey for one family’s dinner hardly even begins to address the problem of poverty among the lower middle class.  Others complain that if Bob Cratchit had ever really been worth the fifteen bob a week Scrooge allowed him, he could easily and readily have found a better-paying job years ago.  By bestowing gifts upon the Cratchits and thus rewarding an inefficient worker, Scrooge is merely undermining the national economy and making things worse for everybody.

     Such folks are, of course, entitled to their opinion.  But I wouldn’t sit down to a smoking bowl of hot bishop with any of ‘em.  Anyhow, perhaps that IS the way to address large problems: by taking hold of the smallest handles.  Who is to say that the easiest way to combat misery is one turkey dinner at a time?  And, after all, Scrooge does accost the Charity Solicitor when he…where were we?

     After Hicks has sent the boy to buy the turkey, the movie takes a brief detour (much of which was cut from the version edited for 1940s television.)  The boy suddenly returns, calling that no one answers at the Poulterer’s.  Scrooge is distressed; this will never do.  “I’ve got to have that turkey.”  Tossing a coat over his nightshirt, he hurries out, telling Mrs. Dilber to bring out his best clothes from the box room.  When he and the boy reach the poulterer’s, the boy bangs on the door while Scrooge lobs a snowball at an upper window.  Naturally, the merchant opens his window at precisely that moment, and gets the snowball square in the face.  He snaps at the pranksters below, and slams his window, sending a cascade of snow onto Scrooge’s head.  The boy laughs fit to kill, which confirms the poulterer’s suspicions when he opens the door.  When a snow-covered old geezer in a coat and nightshirt orders the prize turkey, and asks that it be delivered to his house, he is very slightly mollified.  “My friend here will show you the way,” Scrooge promises, and as the poulterer jerks his head to call the boy indoors, Scrooge rushes home to dress.  Mrs. Dilber has been cheerfully preparing his finery.  Scrooge pauses at the door to address the knocker, calling “Hello, Marley!  Merry Christmas!”  Inside, he thanks Mrs. Dilber with such a generous tip that she goes into raptures during which she can say only “Oh!”  After she leaves, Scrooge is maddeningly deliberate about dressing, oblivious to the boy now shouting and banging on the door.  The poulterer, still grumpy, is convinced that it has all been a hoax after all, and turns to go.  The boy turns to implore him to come back when the door opens.  A meticulously dapper Scrooge steps out, stunning both man and boy with the amount he pays them.  Scrooge leaves this amazed couple to stroll along the street, greeting and being greeted as he passes through the throng.  The Charity Solicitors spot him, and are not pleased by the sight; they announce his name with acute frigidity.  The sum he whispers to one man is announced by that worthy as “An even hundred!”  They become quite merry with them as he procures their promise to come visit him.

     Owen shaves with difficulty.  He steps out of his front door, the turkey in his arms.  He knocks at his own knocker, greets people on the street, and makes amends with one of the solicitors.

     Sim I omits all of this.

     March, outside, does not recognize the Charity Solicitors at first.  When he does, he states, just like a businessman, “I wish to withdraw certain remarks I made yesterday: I wish to apologize, and I wish to put my name on your list.”  The heavyset solicitor is stiff at first, but is thrilled when Scrooge counts out four coins.  “A great many back payments are included in that, I assure you.  Thank you.  Merry Christmas.”

     Rathbone ambles through the streets, trying to sing “The Holly and the Ivy”, not quite getting the words right, and not caring very much about that.

     Magoo pulls money from under his bed, reprising “Ringle Ringle”  as a song about the joys of spending money to make people happy.  He heads outside, realizes he is dressed only in his nightshirt, and returns to put his hat on to make him look respectable.  Mistaking the poulterer’s stomach for the turkey, he pays for the bird and then the cab with two fistfuls of money, and knocks the boy over by tossing him the rest of the bag.  He has the turkey sent to Bob Cratchit’s at 21 Groveny Lane.  Then he steps back inside, pausing only to admire the door knocker, which winks at us after he has gone in.  Later, fully dressed, he strolls along the street greeting people.  He bumps into the Charity Solicitors, and everyone falls down.  One solicitor apologizes; Scrooge will have none of this, saying it was entirely his own fault.  Seeing who it is, the men are astonished by this humble tone.  “Mr. Scrooge?”  “Do I know you?”  “We were, er, in your office last evening.”  “Oh, of course.  How do you do?  A Merry Christmas to you, sir!”  “You ARE Mr. Scrooge?”  He hands them a smaller bag than he tossed at the boy, assuring them he will give them “not a farthing less”, and performs the dialogue through “Come and see me.”  By the time he wishes them another merry Christmas, they are all smiles, one man nodding vigorously.

     The boy delivers the turkey to Haddrick; Scrooge refuses to accept the change, giving it to the boy.  “Thank you, sir!”  “On the contrary: thank you!”

     Sim II spots the fatter of the Charity Solicitors and moves to block his progress.  He is humble, the solicitor pompous and distant.  Scrooge whispers an amount to him, adding “Come and see me.”  “I will.  I will!”  “Bless you.”

     Finney, seeing the bird, exclaims, “Now THAT’S what I call a turkey!”  After dancing around the sled on which it is being transported, he begins to pull it himself, calling behind him, “Come on, dear boy.  Let’s go and open the toy shop!”

     In Matthau, the chorus and/or Scrooge reprise “Listen to the Song of the Christmas Spirit”.  Taling his hat and cane, he starts out.  B.A.H. Humbug calls “You can’t go out like that!”  “I must doo my Christmas shopping!”  “Without your pants?”

     McDuck starts out, realizes he is also only in his nightshirt, and returns for his cane.  Strolling out like this, he slides down the banister of his front staircase, landing near the Charity Solicitors.  He showers them with money, tossing out more whenever they make a sound, and proves no one there can actually count.  (They seem to see “a hundred golden sovereigns” when there are many times that amount.)  ‘And not a penny less!” cries Scrooge, kicking up his heels as he hurries off through the snow.  He greets people who are justifiably startled.

     In Scott, the Poulterer also loses faith as the boy pounds on Scrooge’s door and shouts.  Scrooge appears in the nick of time, handing the boy a sovereign, and presenting the poulterer with the address, the cash for the bird, and a healthy tip.  (The chap has a delivery wagon, so he doesn’t require a cab.)  He then strolls along greeting people and handing money to the carolers who annoyed him yesterday, telling them they are glorious and exactly like angels.  He fails to recognize the Charity Solicitors at first, and has to turn and run after them.  In response to his greeting, one solicitor inquires “Mr. Scrooge?” as if the words have deposited a terrible taste on his tongue.  When the conversation gets around to an amount, Scrooge whispers it to one man, who whispers it to the other.  They are chattering with excitement about this sum as Scrooge leaves.

     In Caine, Dickens reads us some of the material about strolling out to greet people (including Dickens and his companion rat.)  When he meets the Solicitors, the two men are terrified to see him.  “About the charity donation you asked me for yesterday,” Scrooge says, with humble urgency, “Put me down for (he whispers the amount.)”  The men are astounded.  “Not a penny less.  A great many back payments are included in it, I assure you.”  One man wishes there were something he could give Scrooge; the other immediately pulls off a scarf and hands it to the ex-miser.  Scrooge, much moved by it (it is the only spot of color in his somber attire), thanks him.  “Fifty times!”  The boy appears with the turkey and is told “Follow me!”  (He’s excited, or he might help the boy with the turkey which is ”twice as big as me”.)

     Curry strolls out among people.  Stunned passersby (who include the businessmen we saw discussing his death) stare after him as he wishes them a merry Christmas and moves on.  Recognizing the Charity Solicitors, he exclaims, “Oh, der!”  They also recognize him, and turn to run.  Debit goes after them as Scrooge shouts, and grabs one by the cuff.  They promise never to bother him for money again.  His apology for treating them so badly astounds them.  “You are Mr. Scrooge?”  “Well, not that OLD Scrooge, at any rate.  Please let me donate something.”  But then he doesn’t, instead making an appointment for them to come and see him tomorrow.  They agree, but ask him “Why now?”  “Because it’s too late to do it when you’re dead!”  They agree with this, and leave.  Scrooge confides to Debit, “I LIKE this feeling.  Though I’m not used to all this smiling yet.”

     Stewart dances and skips downstairs.  The boy, appearing with the poulterer and the prize turkey, snaps “Now, where’s my two shillings?”  Scrooge turns these over.  Crying “Whoops!” the boy rushes off.  Scrooge gives the poulterer the address, which is 24 Camden Road, Camdentown.  The poulterer, bewildered or dismayed, repeats this, which makes Scrooge laugh heartily, confounding him.  Still laughing, Scrooge explains the joke: the man can’t possibly carry that turkey all the way to Camdentown, and must take a cab.  The poulterer starts to laugh along with Scrooge.  Some time later, we see Scrooge stroll out to greet people, most of whoma re stunned by this apparition.  He gives money to a beggar.  He compliments children on their snowman.  When he turns to go, they pelt him with snowballs.  Gleefully, he returns fire.

FUSS FUSS FUSS: The Magic Of Your Smile

“I LIKE this feeling.  Though I’m not used to all this smiling yet.”

     You may not have noticed, but the pre-Ghost Scrooge was able to smile and laugh.  Some seem to do it quite a lot, in fact, while for others it is a startling anomaly.  (What kind of business does he run, by the way, where it is unnecessary ever to be pleasant to the customers?  Did he lend money only to those too desperate to care if he treated them like dirt?)

     Hicks APPROCHES a smile only once in the early going, when he beckons Cratchit over to be lectured on the price of coal.

     Owens smiles not at all until the Ghost takes him to see his old school.  Marley is even less cheerful; it must have been a jolly partnership.

     Sim I is not much of a smiler, either.  That grimace of contempt at the Charity Solicitors might be a kind of smile; a similar grimace adorns his face when Bob urges for the day off.  (In a version of the scene seven years earlier, when Marley is dying, Scrooge IS definitely smiling, perhaps at his own little joke.)  Je does laugh at his own “I’ll retire to Bedlam.”

     March smiles only twice, a lurid grimace of indefinite intent, on “decrease the surplus population” and “more of gravy than of grave”.

     Rathbone smiles for the first time when Marley offers him a chance to escape his old partner’s fate.

     Magoo is the first of our Scrooges who finds joy in his life, chortling to himself while counting money, smiling—with menace–twice as he torments Bob Cratchit, and smiling once again at Marley’s offer to help him escape becoming a wandering spirit.

     Haddrick also smiles on “You were always a good friend to me, Jacob”; it is his first smile in the whole show.

     Sim II is NEARLY smiling on “decrease the surplus population”, but that is a definite smile (or smirk) when he bids the Charity Solicitors farewell with an oily “Good afternoon.”  He smiles and even laughs in the presence of Marley during the speech about the undigested bit of beef.

     Finney does NOT smile; the best you can hope for from his Scrooge is a slight lessening of his growl.  His first attempt at a smile is while begging Marley to let him have all three spirits at once, and have it over with.

     Matthau enjoys his work.  He smiles while counting money, perhaps while cheating Cratchit out of a day’s pay for Christmas, and again when he reflects he no longer needs to split his profit with Jacob Marley.

     McDuck is perhaps the second-greatest smiler in this group.  He grins when he recalls the deal he made on Marley’s tombstone, when he computes what he pays Cratchit, when he tricks Fred into thinking he MIGHT come to Christmas dinner, when he assumes the Charity Solicitors are customers, and while reminiscing with Marley about business deals gone by.

     Scott is the champion smiler: with this clutching, covetous old sinner, a smile becomes a weapon.  He laughs and smiles about the humbug of Christmas as an unsmiling Fred listens.  He smiles when driving a hard bargain for corn, and again when insulting the Charity Solicitors.  The smile drops when he learns what they want from hi, but it appears again when he is assured there are still workhouses.  He smiles when saying “nothing” and again on “decrease the surplus population”.  He smiles again when telling Marley there is “more of gravy than of grave” about this apparition.  He is capable of a particularly unpleasant smile; the smile he smiles on witnessing Fezziwig’s party is an entirely different expression, indicating an inner change.

     Caine’s smile on declaring that Christmas is “harvest time for the moneylenders” is one of genuine pleasure, as are those when he has convinced his bookkeepers they don’t, after all, need any more coal and when he is informed that there are plenty of workhouses.  When nephew Fred admits to falling in love, Scrooge laughs out loud.

     Curry laughs when insulting the food at the tavern, but he does not actually smile until visiting his old school.

     Stewart smiles at the humbug on “every item dead against you” and on “because you fell in love.”  There is a half smile on “I’ll retire to Bedlam”; he smiles in genuine amusement at the Charity Solicitors, telling them he assumes they are new to the neighborhood.

     Rushing to the window, he opened it, and put out his head.  No fog, no mist; clear, bright, jovial. Stirring, cold; cold piping for the blood to dance to; Golden sunlight; Heavenly sky; sweet fresh air, merry bells.  Oh, glorious.  Glorious!

     “What’s to-day?” cried Scrooge, calling downward to a boy in Sunday clothes, who perhaps had loitered in to look about him.

     “EH?” returned the boy, with all the might of wonder.

     “What’s to-day, my fine fellow?” said Scrooge.

      “To-day!” replied the boy.  “Why, CHRISTMAS DAY!”

     “It’s Christmas Day!” said Scrooge to himself.  “I haven’t missed it.  The Spirits have done it all in one night.  They can do anything they like.  Of course they can.  Of course they can.  Hallo, my fine fellow!”

     “Hallo!” returned the boy.

     “Do you know the poulterer’s, in the next street but one, at the corner?”  Scrooge inquired.

     “I should hope I did,” replied the boy.

     “An intelligent boy!” said Scrooge.  “A remarkable boy!  Do you know whether they’ve sold the prize Turkey that was hanging up there?  Not the little prize Turkey: the big one?”

     “What, the one as big as me?” returned the boy.

     “What a delightful boy!” said Scrooge.  “It’s a pleasure to talk to him.  Yes, my buck!”

     “It’s hanging there now,” replied the boy.

     “Is it?” said Scrooge.  “Go and buy it.”

     “Walk-ER!” replied the boy.

     “No, no,” said Scrooge, “I am in earnest.  Go and buy it, and tell ‘em to bring it round here. That I may give them the directions where to take it.  Come back with the man and I’ll give you a shilling.  Come back with hi in less than five minutes, and I’ll give you half-a-crown!”

      The boy was off like a shot.  He must have had a steady hand at a trigger who could have got a shot off half as fast.

     “I’ll send it to Bob Cratchit’s!” whispered Scrooge, rubbing his hands and splitting with a laugh,  “He shan’t know who sends it.  It’s twice the size of Tiny Tim.  Joe Miller never made such a joke as sending it to Bob’s will be!”

     Dickens would bring the house down when he performed this sequence live, and only the most daring movie versions dare to do without it.  The boy serves the same purpose as the charlady who is sometimes inserted into these sections: je hives a rational outsider’s reaction to so obvious a change of personality.

     Certain conventions are generally observed during this scene:

     a.When Scrooge throws his window open, there is ALWAYS fresh snow on the sill for him to knock down with the sash.

     b.Attention must be paid to Scrooge’s sudden decision to spend money on fripperies like cheer and comfort.  (The sum he differs the boy varies, and he often recklessly tosses the money to the boy before the errand is executed; something unlikely with the earlier Ebenezer.)

     c.If the film is going for the Cheat Ending (see the chapter after next), it is here where the cheat begins.  Scrooge goes out to buy the turkey himself, or arranges to meet the boy with it.

     Hicks looks out on a day much like the one described in the text, himself saying “Oh, glorious!  Glorious!”  His boy is the most ragged of all.  Scrooge calls, “A Merry Christmas!  Ot is Christmas Day, isn’t it?”  “Why, of course!”  “I knew I hadn’t missed it!  The Spirits have done it all in one night!  Hey!”  He inquires after the Poulterer’s, and orders a turkey.  The boy replies the incredulous “Walk-ER!” as indicated; Scrooge makes the offer of a shilling and a half-a-crown.  Crying “Hooray!”, the boy speeds off.  Scrooge turns and delivers the rest of the lines to Mrs. Dilber, concluding “It’s twice the size of Tiny Tim!  He’s not dead, you know!  He’s not dead!”

     Owen runs to the window and performs the scene mostly as written, slipping only the bit about the Spirits doing it all in one night.   The boy, when urged to buy the turkey, demands “What, sir?”  Scrooge tosses him a purse of money and promises him half a crown.  Shouting “Whoosh!” the boy takes off.

     Sim I cries “What a beautiful morning!”  he asks a well-dressed boy about a butcher’s shop.  Throughout the exchange, Scrooge’s voice bubbles with merriment and excitement.  This boy cries “Walk-ER!”, and is offered first a shilling and then half a crown.  Scrooge murmurs to himself about sending it to Bob Cratchit’s as he letters a label.

     March rushes to the window ad describes the morning for us, using most of the material from “No fog” through telling us “Cold, pipin’ for the blood to dance to!”  A boy with a brimmed hat explains the day to him.  Hearing that this is Christmas and “The Spirits have done it all in one night!” he rushes back into the bedroom.  He is thoroughly jovial, and the puzzled boy reacts excellently.

     Dressed, Rathbone hurries outside, where he accosts a small boy thoroughly bundled in winter clothes.  A rapid version of the dialogue follows; when ordered to buy a turkey, the boy demands, “Do you mean it?”  Scrooge tells him where the turkey is to go, and gives him money, adding that he is to keep the change.  The boy starts away, but Scrooge grabs his arm to wish him a Merry Christmas.  The boy then asks whom he should say has sent the turkey.  Scrooge tells him to say only that it is for Tiny Tim.

     Magoo winds up dangling from the windowsill by his feet.  He calls to a horse first, terrifying it, and then to a snowman, which fortunately has a small boy behind it.  This boy decides at once that the old man is loopy, but turns his eyes down in a bashful moue when called intelligent.  But he returns to his original opinion when told his mission, starting away with a “Walk-ER!”  Scrooge offers him the half a crown and he shoots off.  Scrooge gloats about where he will send the turkey.

     At 6 A.M., Haddrick hears a bell ring through a snowy sky.  Scrooge moves to a window to call to a small child whose ragged clothes are too small here and baggy there.  When ordered to buy a turkey at the Poulterer’s, this boy replies, “Right you are, sir.  I’ll need some money.”  Scrooge tosses down the lucky guinea from his pocket. The boy is startled.  “How do you know I won’t run off with it?” “Because I trust you, boy!  And because it’s Christmas!”  The boy runs off as Scrooge thanks the Spirits.

     Sim II is summoned by bells to throw open a huge window.  He speaks to the boy only to find that the Spirits have done it all in one night; he does not mention the Poulterer and his remark on the intelligence of the boy is apparently made to us, as he looks our direction.  He returns to the bedroom to dance a bit with his socks and nightcap.  Dressed at last, he steps out to admire his doorknocker and then strolls to a shop where a sign in the window reads ‘PRIZE TURKEE” (sic)  “I’ll send it to Bob Cratchit’s.  He shan’t know who sends it.”

     Finney rushes outside in his nightshirt to intercept a youngish lad who is pulling a sled. The boy is more interested than alarmed by the jolly old man dancing around him.  Scrooge asks about the butcher’s shop and the prize turkey.  “Not the big one: the ENORMOUS one.”  Told to buy it, the boy demands “What’s that?”  He is given two sovereigns and told to wake the butcher and “meet me here in ten minutes.  Be holding that turkey and I’ll give you half a crown.”  The boy dashes away; Scrooge, watching with satisfaction, notes “I think I’m going to like children.”

     Matthau calls to a fairly tall young man.  “What day is it?”  “It’s Christmas Day in the morning, sir!”  “I haven’t missed it!”  ”Go on!  Who’d miss Christmas?”  “Do you know where the butcher shop is?”  “That I do.”  “A bright boy, a brilliant boy: there never was such a boy!  I want you to go and buy the turkey in the window!”  “The little one?”  “No, the big one!”  Scrooge nearly falls from the window in his urgency, but goes on, “Take it to the home of Bob Cratchit!”  “And what’ll I use for money?”  Scrooge is puzzled, and replies, “A good question!”  B.A.H. Humbug, who has been waiting patiently through all the dialogue, now draws a small chest from under the sill.  “And a good answer!  You’ll use money for money!  My money!”  he tosses a handful of gold coins (no Scrooge ever throws coins of any other material), calling “And keep the change!”  “Thank you, sir!  That I will!”  But when the boy starts off, Scrooge calls him back.  A tear gleams as he calls, “Wait!  Merry Christmas!  Always say Merry Christmas!”  “Merry Christmas, sir!  Merry Christmas!”  The boy goes on his way; Scrooge pulls back inside, grumbling, “That’s the trouble with this world.  Everybody’s too busy to say Merry Christmas!”

     McDuck, having already realized it is Christmas, announces, “I know just what I‘ll do!  They’ll be so surprised!  What a wonderful day!  There’s so much to do!”

     The boy summoned by Scott is startled, and well-dressed.  All the exclamations of “intelligent boy” and so forth are murmured by Scrooge to himself in great delight.  The boy expresses no disbelief when ordered to go ad buy a prize turkey.  “I must dress myself,” Scrooge says once the boy has left.  “So much to do: I mustn’t lose any time.”

     Caine, throwing the window open to knock Dickens and Rizzo from the windowsill, looks out on a snowy day.  The boy he summons is the caroler he rebuffed earlier.  The boy is dubious about Scrooge’s sanity, but executes a moue of modesty when complimented.  The turkey Scrooge asks after is described as “the one twice as big as me?”  Ordered to buy it, he replies, “Be serious!”  Scrooge insists that he IS serious; if the boy will buy the turkey, Scrooge will give him a shilling.  “No!  I’ll give you FIVE shillings!’  He tosses the boy a purse.  Dickens starts to tell us how quickly the boy started off, but is run over by the boy.  Scrooge, meanwhile, gloats, “I’ll bring it to the Cratchits’ house.”

     Curry looks out on a snowy morning, wishing a Merry Christmas to everybody and a Happy New Year to the whole world.  The small boy is the caroler he threw coal at last night; the boy remembers this and, when hailed, takes off running.  Scrooge begs him to come back and asks if he knows the poultry shop.  “Is snow white?” the boy replies.  They discuss the prize turkey; Scrooge orders him ”Tell ‘em to bring it here and I’ll give you a silver coin.”  “Do you mean it?”  “Aye, lad.  Come back in less than five minutes and I’ll give you two!”  As the boy rushes off Scrooge calls to Debit, “Come, my faithful friend.  We have much to do.”

     Stewart himself describes the weather as he looks out.  He calls to a reasonably well-dressed boy, who obviously believes from the first that the old guy is deranged, but is interested enough to stay and see what it’s all about.  When told to buy the turkey, he replies, “You’re joshin’..”  Scrooge gradually, painfully, forces himself to offer a shilling, and chokes a bit on, “Come back in five minutes, and I’ll give you two.”  When the boy has left, he considers, gloatful, how he will send it to Bob Cratchit’s.

STAVE FIVE: The End Of It

     Yes!  And the bedpost was his own.  The bed was his own, the room was his own.  Best and happiest of all, the time before him was his own, to make amends in!

     “I shall live in the Past, the Present, and the Future!” Scrooge repeated, as he scrambled out of bed.  “The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me.  Oh Jacob Marley!  Heaven, and the Christmas Time be praised for this!  O say it on y knees, old Jacob; on my knees!”

     He was so fluttered and so glowing with his good intentions, that his broken voice would scarcely answer to his call.  He had been sobbing violently in his conflict with the Spirit, and his face was wet with tears.

     “They are not torn down,”” cried Scrooge, folding one of his bed-curtains in his arms.  “They are not torn down, rings and all.  They are here: I am here: the shadows of the things that would have been, may be dispelled.  They will be.  I know they will.”

     His hands were busy with his garments all this time: turning them inside out, putting them on upside down, tearing them, mislaying them, making them parties to every kind of extravagance.

     “I don’t know what to do!” cried Scrooge, laughing and crying in the same breath; and making a perfect Laocoon of himself with his stockings.  “I am as light as a feather, I am as happy as an angel, I am as merry as a school-boy.  I am as giddy as a drunken man.  A merry Christmas to everybody!  A happy New Year to all the world!  Hallo there!  Whoop!  Hallo!”

     He had frisked into the sitting-room, and was now standing there: perfectly winded.

     “There’s the saucepan that the gruel was in!” cried Scrooge, starting off again, and frisking around the fireplace.  “There’s the door, by which the Ghost of Jacob Marley entered!  There’s the corner where the Ghost of Christmas Present, sat!  There’s the window where I saw the wandering Spirits!  It’s all right, it’s all true, it all happened.  Ha ha ha!”

     Really, for a man who had been out of practice for so many years, it was a splendid laugh, a most illustrous laugh.  The father of a long, long line of brilliant laughs!

     “I don’t know what day of the month it is!” said Scrooge, “I don’t know how long I’ve been among the Spirits.  I don’t know anything.  I’m quite a baby.  Never mind.  I don’t care.  I’d rather be a baby.  Hallo!  Whoop!  Hallo there!”

     He was checked in his transports by the churches ringing out the lustiest peals he had ever heard.  Clash, clang, hammer, ding, dong, bell.  Bell, dong, ding, hammer, clang, clash!  Oh, glorious, glorious!

      Here’s a puzzle for the filmmaker.  Scrooge has been reasonably cold and sedate much of the time up to this, bar a bit of dancing here and some weeping there.  Now the hero has to bounce around, overcome by the fact that he is alive, and his bed curtains are NOT torn down, rings and all.  The scene cannot be skipped in the least, so the most surprising actors are now found bouncing on beds.  Often a character will be introduced to react to all this giddiness, acting on our behalf in befuddlement.

     Hicks takes longer to accept his deliverance than most Scrooges; he stares at his window in disbelief, swallowing hard, only gradually realizing that he is, in fact, alive.  Trembling, he wipes his face, covers it, and goes through the first speeches as his hands clutch each other, wash each other, and assume various positions of prayer.  “I will live in the past, the Present, and the Future.  Oh Jacob Marley!  Heaven and the Christmas Time be praised for this!  On my knees I thank you, Jacob: on my knees!”  At last taking it all in, he begins to laugh, tearing down the bed curtains himself in his glee.  He dances a bit in his slippers and hurries to admit the charlady with his breakfast.  “A merry Christmas!”  he chucks her under the chin.  “God bless ye!”  he declares he is as giddy as a drunken man, and so forth, and then points out the different landmarks od the room before tottering across the floor with a shaky “Hooray!”  This char is more [phlegmatic than others, but does appear dubious about these proceedings.

     Owen is speechless and delighted.  He bounces on the bed to assure himself of its reality, and pulls at the curtains for the same reason.  Thrusting them wide, he jumps out of bed.  To be sure he’s solid, he thumps and pinches himself; the sound of bells makes him giddier still.

     Sim I is wakened by a knock at the door.  He laughs to find himself alive and whole; his merriment increases as the scene goes on.  Timidly, he opens the door to allow Mrs. Dilber with his breakfast; she frightens him at first but he realizes that the scene that she saw of her in the ragpicker’s den has not, of course, happened yet.  He now swipes some of the dialogue from the next scene, asking her what day this is, and realizing that the Spirits have done It All in one night.  “Are you quite yourself, sir?” asks Mrs. Dilber, taken aback when he replies that he hopes not.  He turns to his bed and regards the curtains, exclaiming, “You didn’t tear them down and sell them!”  Mrs. Dilber grows all the more uneasy as he proceeds through the light as a feather speech, points out the door Jacob Marley entered by, and declares that he doesn’t know anything.  “But now I know that I don’t know.”  He sings about not knowing anything, and is moved to try to stand on his head on the bed.  As he is attired only in his nightshirt and dressing gown, Mrs. Dilber shrieks and runs, tossing her apron up over her face.  Catching up with her on the stairs, Scrooge clutches her to him and tries to convince her he has not gone mad.  This does not work.  He forces a guinea on her, and she assumes this is a bribe to keep quiet about his fit of insanity.  When she finally realizes he is not only just giving her a Christmas gift but also insisting on raising her salary four hundred percent, she still asks whether he wouldn’t like to see a doctor.  He denies any wish to see a doctor or, for that matter, an undertaker.  Finally convinced, she rushes off to spend the guinea.  Scrooge goes back upstairs to consider himself in the mirror.  He wishes his reflection a merry Christmas “as if you deserved it.”

     March simply cries, “It’s my own bed!  The whole thing was a dream!  And I’m alive!”

     Rathbone comes to on the floor of his bedroom, and rises to his knees, thrilled to see the bedcurtains still there, and to realize that he is still there.  He thanks heaven and the Christmas Time for this, standing up.  Glancing out the window, he throws off his dressing gown (he’s been wearing trousers and suspenders over a T-shirt this whole time.)

     Magoo squints.  “My bed!”  He observes that the bedcurtains are still there, rings and all.  “They are here and I am here!”  The shadows of things that would have been may be dispelled, he declares, praising Heaven and the Christmas Time as he bounces around the room.  He proclaims himself light as a feather and happy as an angel, and so on, and concludes by announcing that he doesn’t know anything, perfectly overjoyed about this.

     Haddrick is on his hands and knees next to the bed.  He remarks on the bedcurtains and then cries out the whole light as a feather speech.  He dresses, plops down in his chair and then, at the sound of his clock, has to jump up again, and run to the window.

     Sim II looks up in wonder at his bedcurtains.  “They are not torn down!  Look!  Rings and all!”  He announces that he will live in the past, the Present, and the Future, and praises Heaven and the Christmas Time on his knees.  Rapturously hugging another bedpost, he admits he doesn’t know anything.  He walks back and forth across the room, as id he doesn’t know where to go.  For the first time, he sounds exactly like Sim I.

      Finney wakes in a tangle of bedding.  “Where am I?  I’m in my own room!  I’m nor in Hell at all!  I haven’t got any chains!  Perhaps it didn’t happen after all!  Perhaps it did!”  He hugs the bedpost.  “But I’m alive!  I’m alive!  I’ve got a chance to change!  And I’ll not be the man I was!”  He breaks into a song called “Begin Again” as he races around the room opening curtains to let in the sunlight.  Dancing, laughing uncontrollably, he moves around the huge bare room, committing mayhem on rolls of documents and legal records.  He declares himself to be light as a feather and happy as an angel, and so on, through to “A merry Christas to everybody!”  Then he slides down the banister, (revealing long red woolen underwear) and dashes outdoors.

     Matthau wakes cowering in his bed, clutching his bedclothes.  B.A.H. Humbug shouts, “Hey!  Look!”  Scrooge will not open his eyes.  “No!  Go away or you’ll be burned with me!”  “Open your eyes and take a look!”  Scrooge does, and exclaims, “Why, bless my soul!  My very own room!  My very own house!”  He rushes to the window.  “How long was I gone?”  He throws up the sash.  “It’s morning!  I’m alive!  It’s a wonderful, beautiful, magnificent morning!”

     McDuck discovers, “I’m back in my own room!”  Throwing his window open somehow convinces him, “It’s Christmas morning!  I haven’t missed it!  The Spirits have given me another chance!”  He runs around getting dressed, becoming entangled with a hatrack.

     Scott, weeping, rises to find, “My own room!  I’m alive!”  He vows to live in the Past, the Present, and the Future, and praises heaven and the Christmas Time on his knees.  There is a blackout, during which he has apparently fallen asleep on his knees; he wakes again when a clock in a tower against a blue sky strikes nine.  “Nine o’clock!  And daylight!  But what day?”  he goes through the next speech and then, dressing, exclaims at the bedcurtains and declares himself as light as a feather and happy as an angel.  Kicking off his slippers, he bounces joyfully (if ponderously) on the bed.

     Caine exclaims, “I’m home!”  Dickens returns now to tell us the bedpost was his own, the bed was his own, and so on.  After convincing himself that he is really there, Scrooge vows to live in the Past, Present, and Future, and cries out to both Marleys that Heaven and the Christmas Time are to be praised, saying it on his knees.  He marvels at the bedcurtains and their lesson, is dismayed by a glance in the mirror, and declares himself to be light as a feather and happy as an angel.

     Curry is weeping, shaking his head on the bed.  “I’m home!  I’m home!”  He cuddles Debit, who is startled by this change in the old man.  “I’m home!  I’ve been given another chance!”  He praises heaven and the Christmas Time on his knees.  Laughing merrily, he checks under the bed and finds his spoons are still there.  He marvels at the bedcurtains, and sings a reprise of “A Christmas Carol”.  Dancing around with Debit, who is still recovering from being kissed, he cries, “Whoop!  Hallo!”

     Stewart cries, “My room!  My bed!”  In a fervent whisper he praises Jacob, Heaven, and the Christmas Time.  He marvels at the bedcurtains and stares in wonder at his hands.  “I’m here!” he announces, in desperate relief and joy.  “The shadows of things that may be CAN be dispelled!  They will.  I know they will!”  He seems to choke, but this finally comes out as a splendid and illustrious laugh.  He declares that he doesn’t know anything, and is quite a baby.

FUSS FUSS FUSS: Did It Happen?

      Okay, let’s get down to cases.  Scrooge spends a lot of time in bed in this narrative.  So he COULD have dreamed the whole business.  The March version, in fact, has him explain that everything was a dream, if a cautionary one he would do well to heed.

     But wait a minute.  When Scrooge returns to bed after each visit, he’s usually awak,e and sitting up.  Now and then he wonders if he is dreaming, or has someone else to comment on the matter (Marley informs Finney that this is no dream; B.A.H. Humbug sees Scrooge disappear and reappear in the bedroom.)  And that first visitation—Marley’s face in the doorknocker—comes when he isn’t even slightly drowsy.

     Now, I know something about people who like ingenious plot devices.  They would suggest that Scrooge, shocked by the visit of the charity solicitors, fell over in a faint, and dreamed everything from there on.  But no, even better: he died of the very shock of his clerk letting two men in on such a mission, went through a sort of Purgatory to test his fitness for the afterlife, visiting visions of Past, Present, and Future.  When these make him repent of his earlier ways, he is found worthy, and admitted to a Heaven in which he is ALLOWED to believe he saved Tiny Tim’s life and became a better man.  Yeah, some people would be happier with THAT version.

      If you’re more cheerful with baroque plot twists, you may have them.  Aside from March, and a number of the early silent movies, which saved on props by having Scrooge fall asleep in his office and have dream visions right there, leave the interpretation up to you.  If you want to believe Scrooge slept through the whole movie, you are at liberty to do so.  If you want to believe he was visited and went visiting, why, that’s fine as well.  Scrooge still acts on what he has seen and becomes a better man.  That was Dickens’s intent, and he would have thought it more important than whether you believe in Ghosts (Which he tells us, over and over, are real.  So there.)

      “Spirit,” said Scrooge, “Something informs me that our moment of parting is at hand.  I know it, but I know not how.  Tell me what man that was we saw lying dead?”

     The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come conveyed him, as before—though at a different time, he thought; indeed, there seemed no order in these latter visions, save that they were in the future—into the resorts of business men, but showed him not himself.  Indeed, the Spirit did not stay for anything, but went straight on, as to the end just now desired, until besought by Scrooge to tarry for a moment.

     “This court,” said Scrooge, “through which we hurry now, is where my place of occupation is, and has been for a length of time.  I see the house.  Let me behold what I shall be, in days to come.”

     The Spirit stopped; the hand was pointed elsewhere.

     “The house is yonder,” Scrooge exclaimed.  “Why do you point away?”

     The inexorable finger underwent no change.

     Scrooge hastened to the window h=of his office, and looked in.  It was an office still, but not his.  The furniture was not the same, and the figure in the chair was not himself.  The Phantom pointed as before.

      He joined it once again, and wondering why and whither he had gone, accompanied it until they reached an iron gate.  He paused to look round before entering.

     A churchyard.  Here, then, the wretched man whose name he had yet to learn, lay underneath the ground.  It was a worthy place.  Walled in by houses; overrun by grass and weeds, the growth of vegetation’s death, not life; choked up with too much burying, fat with repleted appetite.  A worthy place!

     The Spirit stood among the graves, and pointed down to One.  He advanced towards it trembling.  The Phantom was exactly as it had been, but he dreaded that he saw new meaning in its solemn shape.

     “Before I draw nearer to that stone to which you point,” said Scrooge, “answer me one question.  Are these the shadows of the things that will be, or are they the shadow of things that may be, only.”

     Still the Ghost pointed downward to the grave by which it stood.

     “Men’s courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they will lead, said Scrooge.  “But if the courses be departed from, the ends will change.  Say it is thus with what you show me!”

     The Spirit was as immovable as ever.

     Scrooge crept towards it, trembling as he went; and following the finger, read upon the stone of the neglected grave his own name. EBENEZER SCROOGE.

     “Am I the man who lay upon the bed?” he cried, upon his knees.

     The finger pointed from the grave to him, and back again.

     “No, Spirit!  Oh, no, no!”

     The finger still was there.

     “Spirit!” he cried, tight clutching at its robe, “Hear me!  I am not the man I was.  I will not be the man I must have been but for this intercourse.  Why show me this, if I am past all hope?”

     For the first time the hand appeared to shake.

     “Good Spirit,” he pursued, as down upon the ground he fell before it.  “Your nature intercedes for me and pities me.  Assure me that I yet may change these shadows you have shown me, by an altered life!”

     The kind hand trembled.

     “I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.  I will live in the past, Present, and the Future.  The Spirits of all three shall strive within me.  I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.  Oh, tell me that I may sponge away the writing on this stone!”

     In his agony, he caught the spectral hand.  It sought to free itself, but he was strong in his entreaty, and detained it.  The Spirit, stronger yet, repulsed him.

     Holding up his hands in a last prayer to have his fate reversed, he saw an alteration in the Phantom’s heed and dress.  It shook, collapsed, and dwindled down into a bedpost.

     Scrooge, realizing how much the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come resembles the Grim Reaper, is struck with a new idea.  Marley lied to him!  This is not a chance at reclamation, but the beginning of his eternal punishment just a way of introducing him to the same fate as his old partner, to wander the earth and witness scenes he cannot take part in.  Scrooge begs for mercy NOT because he is horrified by death, but by the possibility that all the horrors he witnessed in the future will come to pass without his ever getting a chance to fix anything.

     Nobody, nobody, nobody leaves this out.  The shock of wandering through an ugly graveyard and stumbling upon your own tombstone can’t be wasted.  (Though no one much uses the bit about Scrooge running to look in at the place he worked so many years and finding it is now occupied by someone else.)

     Hicks asks, “Now, Spirit, tell me…what man was that whom we saw lying dead?”  He seems to suspect what the answer is.  We are suddenly among gravestones in the snow; it is dark.  Scrooge is shaking on his knees, his voice breaking as a particular stone is indicated.  His tone is desperate as he asks if these are the shadows of things that may be, only.  The finger points, and just after we see the name, there is a wail of “Ebenezer Scrooge!”  He drops to all fours.  “Am I the man who lay upon the bed?”  The finger moves from him to the grave.  “No, Spirit, no!”  The finger insists.  Scrooge cries that he is not the man he was, and so forth.  Catching at the hand, he is repulsed.  He drops, scratching at the writing on the stone, only to find he is mauling a pillow.

     “Spirit.”  Owen’s jaw juts; his will is hardened by suspicion.  “Tell me the name of the man we saw lying dead.”  He is fierce.  “Tell me!”  A gate opens, allowing us to enter a crowded necropolis, where mausolea, tombstones, and other statuary crowd each other.  He asks whether these are the shadows of things that may be, only, and receiving no answer, goes on “Men’s lives lead to certain ends” and so forth.  Still getting no response, he turns to look and sees the stone.  He buries his face in his hands.  “Then I was the man who lay upon the bed.”  The finger moves from him to the grave.  “No no.  Why show me this if I am past all hope?  I shall change my way of living.  I will try to keep Christmas all the year” and the rest of that plea.  “Tell me that this will change my future.  Tell me that this is not my end!  Please!”  He clutches at the Spirit’s sleeve, but the Spirit pulls back out of reach.  When he reaches for it again, he finds he is reaching to his own bedcurtain.

     Sim I is looking around for himself in the Exchange and finds it transformed into a spacious graveyard clogged with grotesque trees.  Clutching a tombstone, he asks if these are the Things That Must Be or Things That Might Be Only.  He hears singing, and covers his ears in despair.  “I know that men’s deeds foreshadow certain ends,” he says, and so on.  The Ghost insists and Scrooge staggers forward to find a large stone flat upon the ground; he falls, weeping, across the name we see on it.  “No, Spirit!  No no no no!  Tell me I’m not already dead!”  Repeating himself quite a lot, he says he is not the man he was, why show him this if he is past all hope, and ends with “Pity me!  Pity me and help me!  Help me sponge away the writing on this stone.”  He goes on and on with more of “I’m not the man I was”.  When he looks up again, he is kneeling before his bedpost, clutching the base.

      March is still standing before the display of plate and china and books in the Cratchit sideboard when he spots the raven that few from his own table, now sitting in a tree outside the window.  The camera lowers to show this tree stands in a fog-infested, ramshackle graveyard.  Scrooge is now wandering within this; the raven startles him, and Scrooge backs from the tree to a stone we read before he does.  Seeing it, he shrieks, raising his eyes.  Dropping to his knees in despair, he looks up to see a smaller stone marked ‘TINY TIM”.  He strikes at this crying “No no no”; soon he is punching the head of his own bed.

     The Spirit guides Rathbone into a graveyard that is as knee-deep in fog as any other scene Scrooge has visited.  He asks why they are here, and goes on to inquire about the things that Will Be and the Things That My Be, Only.  The Spirit points.  Scrooge kneels to read a horizontal stone and cries “No no no no!”  Looking up, he implores, “I am not the man I used to be!  I will change!  Why show me this if I am past all hope?  I will honor Christmas and try to keep it all the year.  Tell me—oh, tell me!—that I may sponge away the writing on this stone!”  He falls across the marker and vanishes.  The fog closes in to hide the stone as well.

     Magoo demands, “Spirit!  Show me my future self!”  Red gates open and they move into a lonely cemetery, with more trees than stones.  Scrooge, terrified, lifts the Spirit’s skirts in front of his face.  The Spirit points to a stone we cannot read.  “What…what is this?”  Scrooge bites his lower lip and asks whether these are the shadows of the Tings That Will Be or the Things That Might Be.  The Spirit points.  Scrooge crawls forward to read the writing on the stone: some lightning makes it easier.  “No no!” he cries, scuttling back the way he came.  “I will honor Christmas in my heart,” he pleads, “And try to keep it all the year. And I will not shut out the lessons that have been taught to me.  I promise!  Tell me that I may sponge away the writing on this stone!”  The Spirit’s hand shakes a bit, but continues to point.  “I beg of you: give me some sign that I may be saved from this!”  The Spirit dissipates, leaving Scrooge to weep at his own grave.  He reprises the song “All Alone In the World”.  Later, he will wake up in bed.

     Haddrick orders, “Return me to my own time.”  He pauses.  “But before you do…tell me what man that was whom we saw lying dead.”  They move into a dark and cluttered cemetery.  We spot the name on the stone, but he does not; he is wondering whether these are the shadows of the Thing That Will Be, or That Might Be.  Seeing the name on the stone, he asks, in honest surprise, “Am I the man who lay upon the bed?” going on, weakly, “Who was robbed?  And scorned?”  The finger points.  “No, Spirit!  No!  No!”  The finger continues to point.  “Spirit, hear e!  I am not the man I was!  I will not be the man I have been!  You and your companions have shown me my errors.  I shall change.  I will honour Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year.  Why show me this, if I am beyond all hope?”  The Spirit stands with arms folded.  “I shall not shut out the lessons you have taught.  And I shall sponge the writing from this tone.  Oh, tell me that I may!”  The Spirit raises its hands, calling forth lightning.  Scrooge finds himself on all fours in his bed.

     Sim Ii is transported quickly into the center of a bristling grove of tombstones, sticking up low rows of crooked teeth.  Scrooges asks if these are the shadows of the Things That Will Be or of Things That My Be, Only; the finger points.  We all read the name.  Scrooge asks, with sorrow, “Am I the man who lay upon the bed?”  His dialogue proceeds as written; he clutche the Spirit’s robes and finds himself hugging his own bedclothes.

     Finney, sobered by the visit of Bob Cratchit to Tiny Tim’s grave, says, “Spirit, you have shown me a Christmas which mixes great happiness with great sadness, but what is to become of me?”  The Ghost points to another part of the graveyard, where Scrooge reads a new stone.  “No, no!  Please!  I beg you!  I’ve seen the error of my ways!  I’ll repent!  Truly, I’ll repent!”  The stone is gone, and a Death’s Head us revealed beneath the Spirit’s hood.  Scrooge stumbles backward into a grave and, finding no bottom, falls and falls.

      Matthau finds himself in a cemetery, and complains about a shadowed tombstone, “I can’t read the name.”  The Ghost obliges with a flash of lightning.  “No!  It’s me!  It’s Ebenezer Scrooge!”  The suffering ghosts from earlier reappear around him, now singing “You Wear a Chain”.  The tombstone rises briefly into a demonic face, and the spirits blow away.  “I’m not the man I was!  I promise to honor Christas in my heart and keep it all the year!  Tell me I may sponge away the writing on this stone!  Please!”

     McDuck, realizing Tiny Tim is dead, cries “Spirit, I didn’t want this to happen!  Tell me these events can yet be changed!”  Just now, though, he notices two weasels digging a grave, laughing about the small, mean funeral that preceded this.  When they go off on a break, Scrooge creeps forward.  “Spirit, whose lonely grave is this?”  The Spirit scratches a match to light another cigar; the light from this reveals the name.  In case we failed to read this, the Spirit guffaws, “Why, yours, Ebenezer!  The richest man in the cemetery!”  He slaps Scrooge on the back, sending the miser tumbling into the grave.  Scrooge snatches at a root.  The casket within the grave shakes and burst open, belching forth flame.  As the flames leap toward him, Scrooge shouts, “No no no!  No!  Please!  I’ll change!  I’ll change!”  Scrooge finally falls into the flames, struggles to escape, and finds he is wrestling with his bedclothes.

     Scott orders, “Take me home.”  There is lightning and thunder; he is surprised to find himself in a graveyard.  “I thought we’d agreed that you would transport me home.”  The Spirit points.  “Spectre, something informs me that the moment of our parting is at hand.  Tell me what man that was we saw lying dead.”  More lightning: it reveals a flat stone spattered wth snow.  “No.  No.  Before I draw nearer to that stone, answer me this.  Are these the shadows of the Things That Will Be, or are they the shadows of Things That May Be, Only?”  His teeth are on edge; the Spirit points down.  He steps forward and kneels slowly to sweep snow from the stone.  He pauses to consider that men’s courses foreshadowing certain ends, and receives by way of answer only more thunder.  He reads the stone.  Now all but in tears, he exclaims that he is not the man he was; why show him this if he is beyond hope?  The Spirit’s hand trembles.  Smiling hopefully, Scrooge declares that the Spirit’s nature is interceding for him, and asks if he may yet change these shadows by an altered life.  The hand is definitely shaking.  Scrooge promises to honor Christmas in his heart, and live in the Past, Present, and Future.  “Tell me…tell me that I may sponge away the writing on this stone!”  He pleas, weeping openly now, “Spare me!  Spare me!”  He falls on the stone and wakes facedown on his bed.

     With Caine, we go straight to the graveyard, a dark, snowy, windy spot encumbered by thunder and lightning.  “Must we return to this pace?”  There is no answer; Scrooge deduces, “There is something else I must know.  Is that not true?”  Still no reply.  He turns to face the Spirit, “Spirit, I know what I must ask.  I fear tom but I must.  Who was that wretched man whose death brought so much glee and happiness to others?”  The Sopirit points to a tombstone.  Scrooge starts for it, but turns back and begs to know whether these are the shadows of Things That Will Be, or the shadows of Things That May Be, Only.  The Spirit points again.  Scrooge, slumping, steps stoneward again, only to turn back.  “These events can be changed!”  Coming to another stone entirely, he points as if to ask “This one?”  The Spirit insists on the one it pointed to first; Scrooge won’t look, sobbing, “A life can be made right!”  Snow has blown across the biographical data on the stone.  Scrooge brushes it away and reads “Ebenezer Scrooge!  Oh please, Spirit, no!  Hear me!  I am not the man I was; why would you show me this if I was past all hope?  I will honor Christmas, and try to keep it all the year.”  The speech goes on; he drops to his knees, clutching the Spirit’s robes.  “Oh, Spirit, please speak to me!”  He buries his face in the robes and falls forward.

     “Spirit, tell me,” says Curry, “Can this cruel future be changed?”  He walks into a foggy graveyard choked with trees.  “Is this where that wretched man now lies underground?”  The Spirit points.  Scrooge, his gaze averted, moves to the stone indicated.  He asks whether these are the shadows of the Things That Will Be, or only the Things That Might Be.  When there is no reply, he goes on, “All lives lead to certain ends.  But if our lives change, the ends must also change…right?  They must!”  The Spirit points.  Scrooge moves to a standing stone; he can’t look.  When his eyes finally do rise, he cries, “That lonely corpse was me?  Oh, no!  No!  Don’t let me die unmourned!”  He explains that he is not the man he was.  “I will honor Christmas in my heart, and keep it all the year.  I will learn from the past, I will live in the Present, and I shall hope for the Future!  I will keep the three Spirits in my soul and remember their lessons always!”  The Spirit points to the stone again.  He reprises the declaration that he is not that man any more; why show him this if he is beyond all hope?  “Tell me I can make a better future than this!”  The Spirit vanishes.  :All alone,  Stranded.”  He weeps.  A bright light passes in front of him, and he is weeping on his bed.

     After Stewart turns, he finds himself walking through a foggy and unpleasant graveyard.  He inquires whether these are the Shadows of Things That Will Be, or of Things That May Be, Only.  There is no answer.  “Men’s actions determine certain ends if they persist in them,” he explains, “But if their actions change, the ends change too.  Say it is so with what you show me.”  The Spirit doesn’t move, pointing at a stone.  Scrooge, guessing what he will find, doesn’t want to look, but finally turns his gaze down.  Somehow, he is surprised.  (Maybe he was expecting Tiny Tim’s gravestone.)  “Am I the man who lay upon that bed?”  The Ghost does not reply.  “No, Spirit!  Oh, no, no!”  He shakes his head with horror and then turns to debate with the unspeaking Spirit, declaring he is not the man he was.  “Why show me this, if I am past all hope?  Ha!”  The Ghost is not impressed.  “Good Spirit, pity me!  I will know Christas, in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.  The Spirits of all three Christmases shall thrive in me.  I shall not shut out the lesson that they teach.”  Desperate now, he pleads, “Oh, let me wash away the writing on this stone!”  The eyes of the Spirit have gone dark.  The tombstone breaks apart, revealing an open grave underneath; the casket is open, to show Scrooge the body of Scrooge.  The ground beneath his feet crumbles, and he falls face to face with his own corpse.    Now the casket trembles and falls away; he and the body tumble.  Hugging his own dead self, he goes into freefall, and then wakes, hugging his own bedpost.

FUSS FUSS FUSS #17: Tomb It May Concern

     In general, we are transported to a graveyard suited to Dickens’s description, which was based to some degree on Highgate, London’s great burying ground, but also on any number of badly kept overcrowded burial yards of the day.  The crucial stone is not especially described in the text, beyond the owner’s name.  John Leech’s illustration in the original edition shows a small horizontal stone, and Scrooge IS described as crawling to it.  That may have been from dread, of course: so a standing marker is not out of the question.

     The filmmakers have suited themselves here.  A horizontal stone is good for throwing oneself on, but Scrooge can cling hopelessly to a standing one.  Most of the movie markers are exceedingly plain.  Granted, no one would have paid a farthing extra to honor the late Ebenezer, but surely fashion in 1843 would have dictated a little scrollwork around the name, at least.

     Flat stones are possessed by Hicks (whose marker already has the snow neatly cleared from the name), Rathbone, Finney, Scott, Sim I (an especially stark stone), Owen, and Stewart.  Standing stones are bestowed on McDuck, Sim II, Caine, March, Magoo, Matthau, and Haddrick.  By comparison, Matthau and Haddrick also show us Marley’s tombstone.  In Haddrick, Jacob has a standing cross—surely more expensive than anything Scrooge would have sprung for—while in Matthau he has a standing stone with a rounded top (also an extra expense.)  McDuck, the cheapest of the Scrooges, of course had HIS partner buried at sea.

     Most stones show just the name: no epitaph, no date.  Those who speculate on the death date take it for granted that the unrepentant, unyielding, unvisited by Spirits Ebenezer would have died on Christmas, in fact, the very Christmas Marley appears to him.  This was to be his last chance, according to that theory.  Sim I is afraid he is already dead, while the Ghosts who appear to Finney and Stewart reveal themselves as grim Reapers.  But one or two versions give the miser extra time.  Haddrick’s stone gives a death date of 1844.  (His is also the only stone with a birth date, either 1765 or1785).  Owen’s tombstone gives Scrooge until 1845.  And since both these stories take place well before 1843, the date of publication, they seem to have intended Scrooge to go on as hardhearted as ever for a couple of Christmases.

INTERLUDE

     Finney takes a quick detour at this point.  It is dark.  Scrooge wakes, not in his bed but in a casket-shaped depression on a red floor.  He rises, not recognizing his surroundings and rather apprehensive.  Some unpleasant odor reaches him; he rises from the hole.  Following the aroma, he touches a red rock, which is burning hot.  A laughing voice booms, “Ah!  There you are!”

     Scrooge recognizes the voice.  He calls to the gloating Jacob Marley, “Where am I?”

     “I should have thought it was obvious.”  Marley explains he has come to escort Scrooge to Scrooge’s chambers.  No one else wanted to.

     They are running, for no apparent reason.  “That’s very civil of you, Marley,” says Scrooge.  “I am dead, aren’t I?”

     “As a coffin nail.”

     “I rather hoped I’d end up in Heaven.”

     “Did you?”  Marley, who is vastly amused, explains that Scrooge has been named Lucifer’s head clerk, to serve Lucifer as Bob Cratchit served Scrooge.

     “That’s not fair!” Scrooge cries.

     Marley admits to finding it “Not altogether unamusing”, and opens the door into a replica of the Scrooge & Marley counting house.  This one is more frigid than the earthly one, being hung with icicles.  Lucifer, Marley explains, has turned off the heat here, lest it make Scrooge drowsy.  Scrooge will be the only one in Hell who will find it too chilly.  He adds, as he is ready t leave, “Oh.  And watch out for the rats.  They…nibble things.”

     Scrooge begs for mercy, and Marley steps back inside.  He was forgetting something.  Scrooge’s chain is on its way; Marley conveys the apologies of the management that it wasn’t quite ready when Scrooge arrived.  Even Marley, it seems, underestimated its length and weight: extra devils had to be put on the job.  Sweating executioners now bear a chain worthy of mooring an ocean liner and bind Scrooge with it.  As he sinks under the weight, he begs Marley for help.  “Bah!” Marley replies.  “Humbug!” and adds, closing the door of the cell, “Merry Christmas!”

     Still calling for help, Scrooge wakes again, now on his bedroom floor.  His bedclothes have twisted around him, and he is choking.  Perhaps this is how he would have died, without the Spirits, “gasping out his last”.