Chicken Social was a small yellow chick with good legs, a loud chirp, and a phone. One day he crossed the road and hopped along the road to see if the worms were fatter I other people’s yard, and came to a high fence around an airport.
Since he had never seen an airport before, this did not matter, but while he was scratching for worms, he heard a loud roar. He looked through the wire of the fence as a long passenger plane sped down the runway and took to the air. His beak opened wide and his eyes opened wider. He watched for a while and then, realizing this was an epeephany moment, he reached for his phone.
Once he was on his very favorite social media platform, he posted “Birds are fake! Birds are fake!”
And nothing happened.
So he waited for a while, and held up the phone when another plane roared down the runway for take off. He posted this clip to the same site, and added “Birds are fake! Birds are fake!”
He got a response this time. Someone called Mouthy Southy posted, “How can a chicken claim birds are fake?”
“I’m an expert on birds, right?” Chicken Social posted. “I don’t fly. All those birds we see flying are inventions of Men. Birds are fake! Birds are fake!”
Mouthy Southy replied. “How can this be true? I’ve seen so many birds!” But someone called Eastie Beastie posted “Expert on birds claims birds are fake!”
And someone called Northy Forthright posted “Report: noted ornithologist admits birds are fake!”
Chicken Social reposted these to his own channel, saying “Experts agree. Birds are fake! Birds are fake!”
Mouthy Southy immediately commented “Anyone who says birds are fake is a dull cluck.”
Chicken Social reposted this as well, but edited it to say “Anyone who says birds are fake is a dull *uck” and added “People who deny evdence resort to abuse. Birds are fake! Birds are fake!”
Westie Bestie commented “How true! Mouthy Southy should be banned.” Eastie Beastie posted “Leader of bird lobbyists labels accredited ornithologists with fowl language!”
“This is what it means to be a debunker of popular superstition,” Chicken Social posted. “Birds are fake! Birds are fake!”
Jerky Turkey started a website called “Flightless Birds Unite to say Birds Are Fake!” Chicken Social hit “like” and then looked up places which sold custom rings and bracelets. Soon he was advertising “Birds Are Fake! Birds are Fake!” merch at so many grains of corn per item. Eastie Beastie ordered three collars , Northy Forthright ordered two dozen T-shirts, and even Mouthy Southy ordered a collar. Jerky Turkey reposted Chicken Social’s ad for merch to the Flightless Birds Unite website.
“Do you have any more reels” asked Westie Bestie. “More evidence will prove our case. Put the naysayers to flight, Chicken Social!”
“Birds are fake! Birds are fake!” Chicken Social replied. He posted two more reels of smaller planes taking off from the airport, as well as some footage of two teenagers with a drone. “Fake Hummingbirds!” he posted. “Birds are fake! Birds are fake!”
Someone called BigBadWoulfe posted “Big Conference in Dark Woods! Are Birds Fake? Experts to Meet in cave at base of mountain. Birds Are Fake merch for sale, lots of worms and corn!” There was a space for making a reservation.
Jerky Turkey asked in Chicken Socials DMs, “Going to conference? I bought a ticket!”
Before Chicken Social could reply, BigBadWoulfe posted “Experts hope all-time Fake Bird Authority Chicken Social will accept free trip to conference!”
“Birds are fake! Birds are fake!” Chicken Social posted. “Will attend, and put naysayers and haters to shame. Save me some worms!”
Jerky Turkey, Chicken Social, Westie Bestie, and Northy Forthright all signed up to attend the conference that very evening. (Eastie Beastie complained she had a date that night but would try to convince him to register.)
The next day, BigBadWoulfe posted “Bird Fakery Conference huge success. Conspiracy debunked by arguments from Dr. Chicken Social, Ch.D.!” But there were no posts by Chicken Social, and orders to Jerky Turkey’s website went unacknowledged.
BigBadWoulfe posted “Findings on fake birds suppressed by authorities! Chicken Social, other experts go into hiding! Absolute proof birds are fake!”
Eastie Beastie sent a donation to BigBadWoulfe’s site marked “For the experts in exile! Hang tough, Chicken Social! Birds are fake! Birds are fake!”
Several other supporters posted “Birds are fake! Remember Chicken Social!” But there was no reply from Chicken Social, and without his leadership, people shifted to posts that cats and dogs were just AI generated.” Someone called Frodo Dodo caused a minor stir by posting “Chicken Social is fake! Chicken Social is fake!” But Frodo Dodo was a known round-earther, so no one paid much mind. Everyone had fake dogs to stream and meme.
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