“Sir Comvent!”
“Sire?”
“I need a new pair of boots.”
“I don’t suppose that means I will accompany Your Majesty to the cobbler’s shop.”
“Perhaps you forgot, sir knight, that you speak to a king who pulled his sword from a stone.”
“Perhaps Your Majesty forgets that Your Majesty speaks to the knight who had to go to the Haunted Quarry for that legendary rock to add to the hilt so Your Majesty would have a stone in his sword.”
“To serve at Camelot is not like service at lesser courts.”
“Don’t I know it! I had to go to the Mines of Lessia to fetch Your Majesty’s legendary helmet, Your Majesty’s saddle had to come from the half-mythical Oh-Gee Stables, and Your Majesty’s royal coffee cup required a three month journey to the legendary island of Lobrasil. Would it be so horrifying for the Lord of Camelot to own something that just came off the rack?”
“Speaking of the rack, Sir Comvent, I suppose you could find other things to keep you busy while someone else visits the Lady of the Leg.”
“I have never refused one of Your Majesty’s commands, and this one suddenly sounds more interesting.”
“I thought it might. The Lady lives beyond an impassable forest, on the other side of an uncrossable sea, and the top of an unclimbable mountain. The tales say she is famous for her legs, and her footwear.”
“It shall be done, Your Majesty. I shall bring back a pair of enchanted boots, and a full report on this matter of legs.”
“I thought you might.”
(Six months later)
“Your Majesty’s boots.”
“Sir Comvent! I had almost lost faith that you would one day return! Was the journey arduous? Were you not tempted to remain in the castle of the Lady of the Leg?”
“If Your Majesty will tell me which bard told her story, I will have the whole saga written up for Your Majesty. After which, I will slay the storyteller.”
“The Lady’s legs did not stand up to inspection?”
“Each leg was more amazing than the one before it.”
“Each…she had more than two legs?”
“It is a matter of definition, Your Majesty. In her youth, she dared the eagles’ nest on Eagalaram, and the Lord of the Eagles nipped off her right leg. So she might be said to have only one leg. On the other…hand, she had made for her a thousand replacement legs, each resplendent and amazing and stacked in her storage locker when not in use.”
“Well, you can hardly complain about quantity OR quality, Sir Knight. Have you spent all this time in travel, or did the Lady have some arduous quest for you to accomplish ere she would release the boots?”
“She gave me a choice of two quests, Your Majesty. I could clean and rearrange her storage locker, which involved moving those legs along with thousands of shoeboxes and the empty eggs from which she drew magic stockings. The other was a matter of spelling, so I chose to do the cleaning and rearranging. Your Majesty’s boots were actually in a corner behind a stack of broken shoehorns.”
“Hmmmm. Now that you mention it, I may need an enchanted bootjack to go with these boots. But that seems hard work as opposed to spelling. What did she wish you to spell?”
“That isn’t what I meant, Your Majesty. She said I could clean her locker or surrender my soul. And as I didn’t know whether she meant I would be giving up salvation or walking back to Camelot barefoot, I decided not to take the chance.”
“Well done, Sir Comvent. If you ever decide to give up being a Knight of the Round Table, you will make an excellent footman.”
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