“Who goes there?”
“A friend. Winky sent me.”
“What’s the password?”
“More is more.”
“Enter, friend. But remember, no telling people….”
“Oh, jingles! Owwwww!”
“Winky should’ve warned you to put these dark glasses on.”
“The colors! The…. Thank you, that’s better.”
“Yes, we wear ‘em all the time.”
“That explains a lot. So this is the place all of the….”
“Not all of ‘em. But Santa likes to think we turn out the best new ones every year.”
“Does Santa pick them out?”
“No, he said he has to save his eyes for making lists. He appointed Agent Gold, Agent Silver, Agent Green, and Agent Red to judge our designs each year.”
“And they’re all…experts? Or just colorblind?”
“We’re not partial to judgmental strangers, stranger.”
“I beg your pardon, Ma’am. It’s just all a bit much to take in.”
“I understand that. Apologies accepted.”
“It must be a challenge every year to produce even uglier Christmas sweaters than last year.”
“That’s something else we’re not partial to, pilgrim. We’ve got a poster on the wall about that.”
“I see. ‘The Only Ugly Sweater Is An Empty Sweater’.”
“You should see them shiver when they wind up on the Island of Misfit Sweaters. But Santa rescues ‘em and finds people who will love them.”
“I’ve noticed that. There doesn’t seem to be any sweater too….”
“Step carefully, mister.”
“Too unusual to find somebody who will wear it. I expect they are all nice and warm, and the person wearing one doesn’t have to look at it.”
“You might just catch on yet, pard.”
“Don’t some of the designs make you a little uncomfortable, though? I mean, I have seen several obscene sweaters that seem at odds with the season.”
“Doesn’t bother Agent Orange. He came down with Agent Green to be in charge of good taste.”
“Is he acquainted at all with Charley the Tuna?”
“If I was old enough to understand that joke, sport, I might resent it. In that case, I’d have to tell Santa to put someone on the ‘Fruitcakes Only’ list.”
“I’m sure I meant no offense. Perhaps I’d better go and not get in the way of your important work.”
“If you say so. Now, remember not divulge our location to anyone. I don’t want all your friends crowding down here to ask for the latest Christmas sweaters.”
“Oh, if I were you, I wouldn’t sweat that.”
“Wait, we could use you in the writing department. We…consarn it, lost another one.”
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