“This the place to buy magic stuff?”
“Yes indeed, Madame. Welcome to the shop. How may I assist you?”
“Well, I’ve inherited my sister’s house. She made it out of gingerbread to bring in livestock for her larder but there was a little accident with some supper that got the drop on her.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Madame. What….”
“It wasn’t so bad. They managed to cremate her before they left, so I didn’t have to waste time on the funeral.”
“Congratulations, Madame. And how….”
“Just tossed her across the garden.”
“Yes, Madame. May I ask….”
“Really good for the asparagus.”
“I will keep it in mind, Madame. How may I help you?”
“What I really need is a good mystic appetite suppressant: a ring or amulet I can wear. Hate taking pills.”
“Living in your sister’s cottage….”
“She must not have had my sweet tooth. I can’t help taking a bite out of the shutters when I go out to poison the birdbath, and at midnight, when I need a little something….anyway, I’m eating myself out of house and home.”
“I see, Madame.”
“I’m the first witch in the family to eat her own back door.”
“It is not….”
“Twice. I…”.
“I can see where that might be awkward for you, Madame.”
“The deer wander in and out and the rabbits always seem disgusted that I’m not some sweet little lost princess.”
“I think I know….”
“I’d start singing to let ‘em know they’ve got the wrong cottage, but the only song I know is Ninety-Nine Bottles of Brew on the Porch.”
“This book of spells and potions….”
“And I keep losing my place and starting over.”
“This volume contains a number of magical recipes for repairing such cottages.”
“That’s all very well, but what I’ll look like after weeks of chewing on my balconies….”
“Here, for example, are spells and recipes which would gradually replace the gingerbread with pretzels, salted nuts, and corn chips.”
“Aha! I can eat the house and replace it with something that doesn’t tempt me so much!”
“It might tempt certain visitors, though, especially if they can smell that you’re cooking chili or making salsa.”
“So the cottage would still bring me main courses. And if the little brats are loaded with salted stuff, they’re less likely to have the stamina to run away. Maybe I’ll make jerky out of those dratted bunnies and bucks, too.”
“Perhaps, Madame. I’m charging four gold pieces for the book, and you should probably be warned that such a cottage is likely to attract every huntsman and woodcutter for miles around.”
“I hadn’t thought of that.”
“The author included a couple pf recipes for beer in the back. Apparently, SHE found running a bar a more reliable way of making a living than luring in lost children.”
“I like it. And anyone who falls behind on their bar tab winds up on the menu!”
“That would discourage….”
“I can see the sign: ‘Special today: Roast Bum’. Ha! Or I could call it ’Fell Behind’.”
“Four gold pieces, Madame.”
“Or the Weak End Special.”
“Thank you, Madame. I wish you the very best with your….”
“Or Best Seat In the House.”
“It was a pleasure doing business with you, Madame. I can see you want to get right to work.”
“Or even….”
“Thank goodness THAT door is made of wood.”
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