I may be doing my civic duty, waiting for jury duty, so I am preparing an emergency blog to keep you entertained while I am helping decide the fate of some fellow citizen. (Unless I use my mother’s suggestion and just say, “Sure, I can serve on a jury. Anybody who gets accused oughta go to jail, or they wouldn’t be here!” She never actually tried it herself, so this would answer a long-wondered question.)
I any case, I have a number of shaggy dogs to corral before we can conclude our collection of old joke quizzes, so here are a few more un[pompadoured puppies. These jokes even have dogs in them. No. Sit. Stay.
J1.The two horses were chatting in the stable. “So this dim human can’t get his car to start and I tell him something’s wrong with his transmission. What does he do but run and tell the farmer about it!”
“I heard,” said the other. “And the old fool tells the driver that you don’t know a thing about cars. He never does give us any credit.”
“I’ll say,” the first horse replied. “And he still drives a Model T because he can’t figure out how to start a car he doesn’t have to crank.”
A dog who had been curled up in the hay listening piped up. “Yeah? Well, I was sitting by the road that day,. and when the mechanic finally showed up, it turned out nothing was wrong with the transmission. You really don’t know anything about these new Buicks!”
The first horse looked at the second. “What do you know!” he said. “( )”
J2.A man walked into a theatrical agent’s office with a small piano and two cages. “Scram,” growled the agent, by way of greeting, “No animal acts.”
“Just listen,” said the man, who was used to this. He set up the piano and opened the cages. A dog and a cat strolled out. “May I introduce yeti and Sammy,. The eighth AND ninth wonders of the world!”
The cat sat down at the piano and played a magnificent introduction, and then the dog began to sing “Blues My Naughty Sweetie Gives to Me.” The agent listened, his eyes widening. Finally he slapped both hands on the desk.
“Incredible! Amazing!” he said. “This should bring in millions! How did you train them to do all that?”
“Well,” whispered the man, leaning in. “There’s a trick to it. ( ).”
J3.Another man came into the same office later that day, leading a dog. “:Get out,” the agent invited.
“This is the greatest talking dog of all time! Just listen,” the man said, and turned to face the dog. “What do you call the shingles on top of a house?”
“Roof!” responded the dog.”
“Scram,” growled the agent, chompiong on his cigar.
“We’re just getting warmed up,” the man said. “Listen! How would you describe sandpaper?”
“Rough!” the dog answered.
The agent stood up. “I’m warning you, Mister.”
“Wait for the big finish!” replied the man. “Who was the greatest baseball player that ever lived?”
The dog barked, “Ruth!”
“I warned you,” said the agent. Mere seconds later, the man and his dog found themselves in the gutter outside the building. The dog looked over at the man and said, “( )”
I hope you came up with more ANSWERS than the poor soul who had ME on his jury.
A1.A talking dog!
A2.The cat’s a ventriloquist.
A3.You think I should have said DiMaggio?