More Yocks of Yore

     As we near the end of the chapters in my old joke quizbook, the offerings become more miscellaneous, but I can assure you that the quality of the gags themselves will not diminish for being less organized.  (I heard that, you in the back.  For that, you can stay after class and watch recordings of Ed Sullivan and Johnny Carson.)

     As usual, the punchlines are missing, but I feel you will know what they are without checking the ANSWERS.

            J1.The nude model arrived at the artist’s studio to find him sitting at a small table in front of his half-finished painting of her.  “I just don’t seem to have the spark today,” he told her.  “Do you mind having a cup of coffee or two instead of getting right to work.”

     She shrugged and sat down across from him, sipping the coffee he poured while he discussed his latest insurance problems and what he thought about the chances the Cubs had of making the Pennant race.  He was in the middle of a sentence when they heard a knock at the door.

     “Good grief, that’s my wife!” he exclaimed.  “Quick!  (          )”

J2.I was doing my comedy act at the Castle Theatre back in ’99, and they added these jugglers to the show.  Brother, they were terrible!  Dropped stuff, tripped over their own shoes, couldn’t keep a rhyth,.  The audience started to throw things and just booed them off the stage.  Let me tell you how bad they were.  They were so bad that a minute after I started my routine, the audience (          )

     J3.Old Sherman Fiveandime was dying in the little apartment over the store he had opened sixty years before.  His family gathered around him, awaiting his last words.  After hours of silence, he opened one eye and gasped, “Is Mabel here?”

     “Yes, Sherman,” said his wife.

     “And Junior?”

     His son stepped to the bed.  “Yes, Father.”

     “And Annabelle?”

     His daughter exclaimed, “Yes, Father!  Yes!”

      Sherman opened both eyes.  “(          )”

J4.”Unless my boss takes back what he said to me today, I’m never going back to the office again!”

“Why, what did he say?”

“He said (          )”

     J5.At the staff meeting, Mr. Gotlots told one of his best jokes, the one about the white horse and the black horse.  Everyone roared with laughter except one woman at the far end of the table.

     “What’s wrong with you?” he asked, “Didn’;t you get it?”

     “Oh, yes,” she said, “But (          )”

J6.Ed and Carolyn went to the latest blockbuster movie and settled in to enjoy the show.  After a couple of minutes, Ed whispered to his wife, “Can you hear all right?”

     “:Yes, dear,” she said.

     “Can you see the screen okay?”

     “Yes, dear.”

     “Not sitting in a draft, are you?”

     “No, dear,” she said.

     “That’s good,” he told her.  “(          )”

J7.One of Ed’s friends asked him the next day, “So did the picture have a happy ending?”

     “Oh, yes,” he said.  “(         )”

J8.The play was the hit of the season, with waiting lists a mile long to get tickets.  Jack was amazed, when he was shown to his seat, to find the spot next to him empty, though the theater was packed.  “I wonder what happened to this fellow,” he observed to the woman on the other side of the empty spot.

     “Oh, that’s my husband’s seat, but he couldn’t be here,” she said.

     “That’s too bad,” Jack said, “But don’t you have a friend who could have used his ticket?”

     “Oh, no,” she replied.  “(          )”

Naturally, you know all these ANSWERS, but here they are so you can show them to your friends who didn’t.

     A1.Get your clothes off!

     A2.started booing the jugglers again;

     A3.Then who’s minding the store?

     A4.You’re fired.

     A5.I’m leaving at the end of the week anyhow.

     A6.Care to swap seats?

     A7.Everyone was happy when it ended.

     A8.They’re all at the funeral.

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