Eyes On Your Own Paper

     Hello and welcome to Monday Morning again.  I assume, even in this bizarre decade of this wild new century that there are still a few million people for whom Monday is about to make a major shift.  For it is May, and people are reaching the end of a school year.  In recognition of that, the Old Joke Quiz today takes us back to the classroom.  As usual, the answers to this pop quiz are tucked away at the end.

     J1.”Are you having any problems with the questions on the exam.”

     “Of course not. (          )”

J2.”I don’t think I deserved a zero on my term paper.”

“That’s true.(          )”

     J3.”Tommy, this is the fifth night this week you’ve had to stay after school.  What do you have to say for yourself?”

     “(          )”

J4.”What did you learn at school today, Tommy?”

“Not much.  (          )”

    J5.”Dad, would you do this math problems for me?”

      “Oh, Tommy, you know that wouldn’t be right.”

     “Yeah, but (           )”

J6.”Dad, where are the Appalachians?”

“You wouldn’t have to ask these things if (          )”

     J7.”The price of gas is up!  The rent’s going up!  The price of meat is going up!  Isdn’t anything going down?”

     “Here, Dad.  Look at (          )”

J8.It was the same in high school.  Tommy’s dad roared, ”Look at these grades!  Whatever is going to become of you?  Have you nom ambition?  Do you know that when George Washington was your age, he was already a surveyor!”

     “Yeah, Dad.  And (          )”

J9.Tommy did graduate and head off to college.  There was an emotional farewell when he left, and he reminded his parents “And don’t forget to write.  (          )’

     J10.Tommy’s first class in college was taught by Professor Smackdab, who challenged him with “If Canada is our neighbor to the north, and tuna comes in cans, while a package iof books weighs 38 pounds, how old am I?”

     “Sixty-four,” said Tommy.

     “Why, that’s correct!  How did you deduce it from that information?”

     “Easy.  My uncle’s thirty-two (          )”

J11.”Mom, guess what? I made the football team,!”

     “That’s wonderful, Tommy.  What position?”

     “(          )”

J12.”Tommy, what can you tell us about nitrates?”

     “They’re (         )”

J13.Tommy’s uncle kept assuring his parents, “Don’t worry about Tommy: he’ll do all right in college.  It just takes time to get the hang of these things.  Even the college president didn’t get all those doctorates in one day.  She had to do it (          )”

I hope your answers were all your own work, and you have not been peeking at the ANSWERS

      A1.Just the answers

     A2.But it’s the lowest mark I can give

     A3.Thank heaven it’s Friday.

     A4.I have to go back tomorrow

     A5.Probably not, but you could try

     A6.You’d remember where you put your stuff.

     A7.My report card

     A8.When he was your age, he was President

     A9.Even if it’s only a check

     A10.And he’s only half crazy

     A11.Kind of hunched over

     A12.They’re cheapetr than day rates

     A12.By degrees

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