I hear unemployment rates are down and businesses are dropping their Cobvid restrictions about having to work from home, so more people than ever are now joyfully springing from their beds on Monday morning to head off to work on a Monday morning. Hooray for not having to loaf around at home in pajamas with another cup of self-made coffee before joining that Zoom conference!
That’s just one of the jokes you get in this selection of old jokes about work and getting to do it, from my unpublished joke quizbook As usual, the answers, which you don’t need because these jokes are so overused, are at the end of the column,. For those of you who just said they don’t need the jokes either, YOU can go straight to the conference room for a brainstorming session of the empowering diversity paradigm.
A1.”Dad, I have this term paper to write for Business Administratioon. The teacher wants examples of ‘ethical questions’ and I can’t think of any besides the ones in the textbook,”
“Oh, I can give you an example. Let’s say a cuistomer comes into the store, buys something, and being old-fashioned, pays with a twenty dollar bill. I give him his change and he leaves. When I go to put the twenty in the drawer, I see it’s really two twenties stuck together. The ethical question is ( )”
A2.The commuter dashed onto the platform just as the train pulled away. “Just missed it, eh?” said a passenger who had just gotten off the train.
“Heck no,” said the commuter. “( )”
A3.”You have come in late every day since you started here!”
“Yes, but ( )”
\ A4.”I;m going to lose this job if I can’t get to work on time,” said Brenda. “I’ve tried everything: I go to bed early, I take sleeping pills…..”
“Well, that’s your mistake,” said Sarah. “Do what I do. Stay up late, and before bedtime have a long drink of high octane coffee. Then go to the living room and run around it the right number of times: sixty if you need to get up at six, fifty-five if you need to get up at 5:30, and so on.”
“This works?” said Brenda.
So Brenda did as required. She binge watched Gilligan’s island until midnight, drank a mug of high-octane coffee, and then ran around her living room sixty-five times. Then she staggered to the bedroom and crawled into bed.
Sure enough, she was awake precisely at 6:30. Humming to herself, she ate a good breakfast, caught her train into the city, and showed up at the office at precisely 8:59.
“Here I am!” she called to the boss. “Right on time!”
“So I see,” said her boss. “( )”
A5.”Schwarz, Schwarz, Schwarz, and Schwarz! How may I help you?”
“I’d like to talk to Mr. Schwarz, please.”
“Oh, I am sorry. Mr. Schwarz is in a stockholders’ meeting and can’t be disturbed.”
“Then could I speak to Mr. Schwarz?”
“I’m afraid Mr. Schwarz is out to lunch right now.”
“Then I’ll settle for Mr. Schwarz.”
“Let me…no, Mr. Schwarz is on vacation and won’t be back until May 15th.”
“Well, let me speak to Mr. Schwarz, then.”
A6.”How do you do?” said Miss fairfront at the office Christmas party. “I’m your husband’s secretary.”
“Oh.” Mrs. Gotlots looked her up and down. “( )”
A7.Mrs. Gotlots’s gardener fell ill, and she supposed she had to do the proper thing by one’s servants, and took flowers to him at the hospital. “In which room is Mr. Lewis?” she asked the recptionist.
“811,” the woman replied, “Just down the hall to your right. Are you his wife?”
“Certainly not!” said Mrs. Gotlots. “( )”
I hope you already knew these ANSWERS. It’ll be on your annual evaluation.
A1.Do I tell my partner?
A2.I was chasing it out of the station.
A3.I leave early every day to make up for it
A4,Where were you yesterday?
A7.I am his mistress!