Eat, Drink, and Be Harried

     Ah, Monday: the dawn of a new week, a time for new beginnings, new challenges, new opportunities!  And old jokes.

     We pick up the quiz with another section on Food Jokes, though I think this might also be Diner Jokes or Wait Staff Jokes.  Just don’t tell these to your waiter or waitress.  You may be quite some time waiting for them to laugh.

     J1.Ryan really liked that joke in the last food joke blog, about the man who asked for greasy eggs, burnt toast, and weak coffee because he was homesick.  So he decided to pull that one the next time he had breakfast out of town.

     The day came, and he told the waitress “Bring me really greasy eggs, toast burnt to a crisp, and coffee so weak it looks like water.”

     The waitress leaned toward him and said, “(          )”

J2.There are as many jokes about flies in the soup as there are bowls of soup and nearly as many as there are flies.  (Is there a fund for flies who never get bowls of soup?)  But you HAVE to know the one about the customer who shouted, “Waiter!  What’s this fly doing in my soup?”

     The waiter took a look and said “(          ).”

J3.Another customer snapped, “Waiter, I cannot eat this soup!”

     “There’s nothing wrong with the soup, sir.  It’s our specialty.”

     “Nonetheless, I cannot eat this soup!”

     “Let me fetch the manager, sir.”

     The manager bowed a little to the customer, and said, “I understand you have a complaint about our soup, sir.  Our chef has been a master at preparing this soup for the last twenty years, and I am sure there can be nothing wrong.”

     “That’s all very well, but I cannot eat this soup.  YOU eat it!”

     The manager sighed.  “Very well, sir.  Where is the spoon.”

     “(          )”

J4.”Waiter, I can’t find any corned beef in this sandwich!”

     “Try another bite, sir.”

     “There.  I still can’t find any.”

     “Well, I’ll be.  (          )”

J5.”Waiter, I have stabbed this steak, torn at it with my fork, and twisted it with my bare hands, and I can’t get any of it to come loose enough to eat.  Take it back!”

     “I’m sorry, sir.  I can’t do that.”

     “Why not?”

     “(          )”

J6.”Waiter, these pork tenderloins are so terrible I refuse to eat them!  Get the manager!”

     “That’s no good, sir.  (          )”

J7.”Waiter, my cottage cheese has a splinter in it!”

     “Well, Ma’am, (         ).”

J8.”I ordered apple pie.  What is this?”

     “What does it taste like, sir?”


     “(          )”

J9.”Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!”

     “I’m not surprised, sir. (          )”

J10.”And how did you find the steak, sir?”

     “(          )”

J11.”Waiter, these oysters are very small!”

     “I’m sorry, Ma’am.”

     “And they’re not very fresh.”

     “(          )”

J12.Graham wandered into a grubby diner on Clark Street and ordered a cup of coffee from the surly man behind the counter.  He glanced out the window.  “Looks like rain.”

     “Well,” snarled the counter man, “(         )”

Assuming you’ve had your coffee this morning, you don’t need these ANSWERS, but perhaps you had coffee at one of the diners above.

     A1.You’ve eaten here before, haven’t you, honey?

     A2.Looks like the backstroke


     A4.You bit right past it!

     A5.You’ve bent it.

     A6.He won’t eat ‘em either.

     A7.At these prices, did you expect the whole cottage?

     A8.Then it’s apple.  The peach pie tastes like paste.

     A9.It was ground this morning.

     A10.I just moved a fried potato and there it was.

     A11.Just as well they’re small, then.

     A12.It tastes like coffee, don’t it?

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