Cabbage Collection

     The city where I live does not want to let St. Patrick’s Day go by unobserved.  It has been the custom, even in the depths of the pandemic, when the holiday falls in the middle of the week, to observe two St. Patrick’s Day weekends.  In addition, there are plenty of people who add a celebration of St Joseph’s Day on or around March 19.  (St. Joseph covers a lot of ground, and is the patron saint of Bohemians and Italians.)

     So on the Monday after, we present these recipes to use up all the leftover corned beef, marinara, Guinness, and dill gravy.  That’s a joke: there IS no leftover Guinness.  If this were a food blog, we would help. out  But it is not, and this is Monday besides, so here is another Old Joke Quiz.  In the spirit of the Monday After, we are assembling odds and ends of jokes left over at the ends of previous chapters.  A hash of answers will be found at the end if you’re still hungry.

     J1.Do you know the difference between a mailbox and a lion?


     “(          )”

J2.”Do I look okay for the party?”

“Hang on.  There’s some snew in your hair.”

“What’s snew?”

“(          )”

     J3.Once upon a time, a suburban housewife opened her refrigerator and found a large rabbit inside.  “What are you doing here?” she demanded.

     “Isn’t this a Westinghouse?” it replied.


     “Well, (          ).”

J4.These two coin collectors met at a bar so they could (        ).

     J5.The cruise ship was docking in Athens.  “What’s that stuff on the mountaintops?” asked one tourist.

     “Snow,” another told her.

     “That’s funny,” she replied.  “I thought it was (          ).”

J6.When Mr. Gotlots died, his relatives gathered in great excitement to hear the reading of the will.  The lawyer read the preamble about the sound mind and body, and then got down to the various bequests.  “Dirst,” he read, “To my nephew Rodney, whom I promised to remember in my will, (          ).”

     J7.”Can I put this wallpaper on myself?”

     “You can, but (          ).”

J8.”How can you charge six dollars a pound for corned beef?  I can get it for three dollars a pound at Super Value!”

     “Well, go buy it at Super Valu, then.”

     “They’re all out.”

     “Huh!  (          ).”

J9.”Those sausages you sold me were all meat at one end and bread crumbs at the other!”

“Well, nowadays (          ).”

    J10.Bob was visiting a small town and stepped into the grocery store to buy corned beef.  To his surprise, he found only a few boxes of cereal, a can or two of Cream of Mushroom soup, and row after row of salt.  Bags of salt, canisters of salt, and individually wrapped salt shake filled with salt sat on every shelf.  He said to the woman behind the counter, “You must sell a lot of salt.”

     “No,” the woman told him, “But (          .”

If you really need help with these ANSWERS, perhaps you’re the reason there’s no leftover Guinness.

     A1.Remind me never to send you to mail a latter

     A2.Nothing much; what’s snew with you?

     A3.I’m westing.  (Jokes based on old advertising slogans have their pitfalls; you may wish to avoid this one and, say, the joke about the kin you love to touch, and promise him anything but give him…okay, we’ll move on.  Whole nother blog.

     A4.catch up on old dimes

    A5.I thought it was Greece

     A6.Hi, Rodney!

     A7.It’ll look better on the wall

     A8.When I’m out of it, I sell it for ten cents a pound

     A9.It’s hard to make both ends meat

     A10.But the salesman who sells me salt, HE sure sells a lot of salt!

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