Jest Jumble

This Monday old joke quiz comes from the dainties offered in the Miscellaneous chapter of the original quiz book, which was the LAST chapter.  But do not rush to a cliff’s edge, Shortbread Lasagna,  I did not use up all the jokes in each of the previous subjects, so we may have whole Mondays devoted to one subject of old jokes again, or, even better, a jumble of unrelated jests like these.  I know, I know: you thought the period of holiday miracles was over.  But I have old jokes enough to last WELL into next year.  Don’t make faces like that; you won’t be able to read the jokes.

     J1.”Who gave you that black eye?”

     “Nobody gave it to me. (          )“

J2.”In Boston, we regard breeding to be of paramount importance.”

“Ah well, (          )”

     J3.A hundred years ago or so, a young lady from Chicago was attending a public event in Boston, and paused to adjust her elbow-length gloves.  A passing matron, staring coldly, said, “In Boston, a gentleman would as soon see a lady adjust her garter in public as a adjust a glove.”

     “Teah?” said the lady other, “In Chicago (          )”

J4.That same matron was passing a construction site in Boston when she stared at the graffiti on the fence.  “Disgusting!” she exclaimed.  “This kind of hooliganism can only make tourists think less of our fair city.  Such vulgar phrases!  And (          )”

     J5.”Honey, you know she’s been a big help all these years: sewing labels in the kids’s clothes for school, helping keep them corralled when we go to the zoo or the big department store, always carrying bandages or a needle and thread for an emergency.  But I was wondering, Honey, if for this trip on our thirtieth anniversary, we could leave your mother at home.”

     “What?  (          )“

J6.”Had a great dream last night.  I was ay Coney Island, back when Coney Island WAS Coney Island, only I wasn’t a kid.  I’m as grown up as I am now, so I cab take my money and go on all the rides and see the shows and eat anything I want, without anybody to tell me to stop.  Great time!”

     “Yeah?  Well, last night I must’ve fallen asleep reading Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason, and there’s this knock on the door.  Before I can answer, in walks that movie star, Satin LaSheen, and sits down next to me on the couch.  We’re just starting a lively philosophical discussion when there’s a knock on the door again, and in walks Debby Hairy, that rock singer, and she comes and sits down on my other side, so we can have this three-sided dialogue, and…..”

     “Some friend you are!  You had two women like that in your room and didn’t think of giving me a call.”

     “I did call.  (          )“

J7.Leif liked to take his sandwich over to Grant Park when the weather was nice, and eat lunch there.  One day, he noticed an elderly man sweeping leaves off the sidewalk, and realized he’d seen that man just about every day for many years.  But he’d never spoken to the man,.  So today, he called “I see you’re doing quite a job there.”

     “Well, it’s what they pay me to do,” came the reply.

     “And you’ve been doing it,” said Leif.  “What’s your name?”

     “John F. Kennedy.”

     “That’s a famous name.”

     “Should be.  (          )”

I know you know these already, but for one last time this year, here are the ANSWERS.

A1.I had to fight for it

A2.We like it, too, but we encourage the young people to take up other interests as well

A3.he’d rather

A4.And so many are spelled incorrectly!

A5.I thought she was YOUR mother

A6.Your wife said you were on Coney Island

A7.I’ve been sweeping these sidewalks for fifty years

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