Easy as A B…um

     Why, what do you know?  It’s Monday again!  Let joy be unconfined at the return of the week as well as another Old Joke Quiz!  (Look, get some of that leftover egg nog from the weekend and put it in your morning coffee.  Maybe that will help unconfine your joy.)  This set of jokes deals with people whose I.Q. is so low, they can’t even SPELL I.Q.  We all have moments like this, of course.  If you take those moments and make jokes of them, attributing them to your second cousin Bronk, you might have a career in comedy coming.

J1.”Where were you born?”


“What part?”

“(          )”

     J2.”What’s todays date?”

     “I’m not sure.  Why not check that newspaper you’ve got?”

     “That won’t help.  (          )”

J3.”My sister tried one of those cosmetic mudpacks on her face.”

“Did it make her more beautiful.”

“For a while.  (         )”

     J4.”What time is it?”

     “I don’t know.  What does your watch say?”

     “It (         )”

J5.The captain rushed to the communications room.  “:”If those reinforcements don’t arrive soon, we’re lost!  Any messages from Headquarters?”

     “Not yet, sir,” the radio operator said.  But just then, a signal came through in Morse code: dit dit dit dit dah dah dit dah dah dah dit dit dah dit dit dit dit dit dit dit

     “Did you get that?” said the captain.  “What’s it say.”

     “Got it, sir.  It says (          )”

J6.”It takes three sheep to make one sweater.”

“Wow!  (          )”

     J7.”Weird.  You’re wearing one red sock and one green sock.”

     “You know what’s weirder?  (          )”

J8.”Is the diamond in your ting real?”

“If it isn’t, (         )”

     J9.”This baby is your fourth child, isn’t she?”

     “Yes, and my last.”


     “I don’t dare have another.  (          )”

J10.”Did you hear Carmen had twins?”

“Yes.  Isn’t it wonderful?”

“And they say that happens only once every six hundred births.”

“My goodness!  (          )”

     J11.My sister started walking when she was only nine months old.”

     “Wow!  She must be (          ).”

J12.”Do you like Kipling?”

“I don’t know.  (          )”

     J13.”Why are you writing so slowly?”

     “(          )”

J14.”Why are you writing so quickly?”

“(          )”

     If you are reading this blog, I know you have a very high I.Q., so you probably already know all these ANSWERS.

A1.All of me.

A2.It’s yesterday’s paper.

A3.Then it fell off.

A4.doesn’t say anything.  You have to look at it

A5. dit dit dit dit dah dah dit dah dah dah dit dit dah dit dit dit dit dit dit dit

A6.They can teach animals to do anything these days!

A7.I have another pair at home just like these.

A8.I’ve been cheated out of fifteen cents

A9.I read that every fifth child born nowadays is Chinese

A10.When does she have time for housework?


A12.I’ve never kippled.

A13.I’m writing to my brother and he can’t read very fast

A14.I’m trying to finish this letter before I run out of ink

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