Raspberry Sauce

    It is the Monday approaching Thanksgiving, so the old jokes in this quiz have a food theme.  These are from my chapter on raspberries: the insults, the slams, the critical responses which are so old that you will certainly not have to look at the answers to know how they come out.  If you have received more of these than you have handed out, you are officially a Good Person (even if you’re not good at anything else.)

     J1.”I like your singing except for two things.”


     “(          )”

J2.”I just can’t help breaking into song.”

“(          )”

     J3.”How did you enjoy my violin solo?”

     “Frankly, (          )”

J4.”You are a marvelous dancer.”

“I wish I could say the same for you.”

“You could (          )”

     J5.”That’s a very difficult piece she’s playing.”

     “Difficult?  (          )”

J6.The high school choir launched into “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling” and a man in the front row began to weep.  The woman sitting next to him said, “Are you an Irishman?”

     “No,” he said, “(          )”

J7.”How did you like my last movie?”

“It’s great, if (          )”

     J8.”I heard you gave a speech at the club last night.  What was it about?”

     “Oh, nothing.”

     “(          )”

J9.”I’m my own worst enemy.”

“(          )”

     J10.”My ancestors came to this country on the Mayflower.”

     “That’s good.  (          )”

J11.”My father fought with Patton in Sicily, my grandfather fought with Pershing in France, his father fought with Roosevelt in Cuba, and his father fought with Sherman in Georgia.”

     “Goodness, that’s amazing!  (          )”

J12.”Yes, I’m a self-made man.”

“Well, (          )”

     J13.”What weather!  I’m chilled to the bone!”

     “So (          )”

J14.”Whenever I’m down in the dumps, I get myself a new dress.”

“(          )”

     J15.Evangeline slept late on garbage day, and realized, as she heard the truck rumble up the street, that she hadn’t put her garbage at the curb for pickup.  She threw on a bathrobe, grabbed the bag out of the kitchen, and ran to shout, “Am I too late for the garbage?”

     “No,,” said the garbageman, “(          )”

J16.”Sometimes I think changing jobs might be the answer and other times I think I should stick with what I have.  What would you do if you were in my shoes?”

     “(          )”

J17.”Excuse me, officer, I’m frightened by all this traffic.  Could you see me across the street?”

“Lady, (          )”

            After all that, I doubt you have questions, but in any case, I have ANSWERS.

A1.<y ears

A2.You wouldn’t have to break in if you had the right key.

A3.Those strings sounded better in the cat.

A4.if you were as big a liar as I am.

A5.I wish it were impossible

A6.A music lover

A7.you promise it IS your last movie

A8.I assumed that, but how did you express it this time?

A9.Not while I’m around

A10.Immigration laws are much stricter now

A11.Couldn’t your family get along with anybody?

A12.that relieves God of a lot of responsibility

A13.put on a hat

A14.We all wondered where you got them

A15.Hop up on the truck

A16.Polish them.

A17.I could see you from a mile away.

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