Paws for a Laugh

     I think we should be able to return to our regular schedule of blogs.  It is Monday again, and that means another exploration of jokes which are considered so elderly that you should be able to come up with the answer in no time at all.  This chapter in my original book on the subject deals with Animals.  The people in these jokes are not always kind to animals, but I advise you to behave better than that.  Be kind to the animals you meet today.  Don’t tell them any of these jokes.

     As usual, the punchlines, which I knew you know and you know I know you know, are at the end of the column.

     J1.”I went riding today on a really polite horse.”


     “Oh, yes.  If we came to a fence I wanted him to jump but he didn’t want to, he (          ).”

J2.I have the finest hunting dog in the world.  I took him to town to get his shots, and as we were walking to the vet’s office, he went into a point.  All I could see was a man, his arms full of packages, waiting for the bus.  I said, “I beg your pardon, sir.  Do any of those packages contain game birds?”

     “Well, no,” he said.  “Just books.”

     “Hmm.  Were you out hunting recently and wear those pants or that jacket while cleaning your game?”

     “I’m not a hunter.  Golf’s my game.”

     “Well,” I said, “I do apologize for my dog’s behavior.  My name’s Crawford,” by the way.

     “How do you do?  My name is (          ).”

J3.Kate went to the basement of her apartment building to find the janitor, and discovered him playing checkers with his dog.  “Wow!” she said, “That’s one smart dog!”

     “Not so smart,” said the janitor.  “(          )”

J4.Tim went down to the basement of his apartment building to find the maintenance engineer and discovered him playing poker with his dog.  “Wow!” he said, “That is one truly intelligent dog!”

     “Not so intelligent,” said the maintenance engineer, “(          )”

J5.”I just cut off my dog’s nose.”

     “How will he smell?”

     “(          )”

J6.”I had to shoot my dog yesterday.”

     “Was he mad?”

     “Well, (          )”

J7.Two hikers were trapped in the snow on the mountainside, without any idea where they were or how to survive.  One of them spotted a St. Bernard headed toward them, a cask around its neck.  “We’re saved!” he cried.  “Here comes man’s best friend!”

     “Yes,” said his companion, “And (          )”

J8.”Do you like my new police dog?”

     “Police dog?  That doesn’t look like a police dog!”

     “Of coursed not. (          )”

J9.Two dogs met in the park.  “Meow,” said the first dog.

     The second dog jumped.  “Did you just say meow?”

     “Yeah,” the first dog replied, “(          )”

J10.”When you sold me this cat, you said she was great for mice.  Well, she won’;t even go near ‘em!”

     “Well, (          )”

          I suppose your smart aleck dog has already told you all these ANSWERS.  He is SUCH a wag.

A1.He tossed me for it.


A3.I’ve beaten him six games out of ten.

A4.Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail

A5.As bad as ever

A6.He wasn’t any too pleased about it

A7.look at the big dog carrying it

A8.He’s undercover

A9.I’m studying a foreign language

A10.Isn’t that great for mice?

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