Assisting With Inquiries

     For this episode in ancient joke identification, we move to the world of law and crime.  For the purposes of keeping this on a calm and genteel level, we will NOT be going into hot button issues like, say, stealing jokes.

     J1.”Psst!  Bud!  Wanna buy a hot?”

     “A hot what?”

     “(          )”

     J2.“I want you to take him to jail and teach him a lesson, Officer.  Him and his filthy songs!  Every time he goes by my window, morning noon and night!  He ought to be locked up!”

     “Well, Ma’am, all I can really do is take him in for a warning.  You say he sings dirty songs when he passes your place?”

     “No! (          ).”

     J3.Another time, Emma called the polic to complain about some young men who were swimming nude in the creek that ran behind her back yard.  “They’re shameless!  I can see them from the kitchen window as plain as a pikestaff!”

     An officer was sent out to discuss this with the young men, and asked them to move farther downstream, for their skinny-dipping.  Emma called again to complain, “Well, they’;ve moved, but nor far enough!  I can still see them from my uostairs bedroom window!”

     The officer came out again and discussed this with the young men, who agreed to keep moving along the creek.  Emma called a third time.  “I can still see those young men swimming!”

     “But, Ma’am,” said the Chief, “I know where theu’ve gone, and they’

Re so far from your house you can’t possibly see them!”

     “That’s what you think,” she replied, “(          )”

     J4.”Oh, my goodness!  Have you seen a policeman, sir?”

     “Not lately.”

     “Oh.  Okay.  (          )”

-J5.”Can you describe the man who punched you, sir?”

     “Of course.  (          ).”

J6.”Take your pole and your can of worms and get off my property or I’ll have you arrested for trespassing!”

     “Then I’ll sue for false advertising!”


     “Doesn’t that sign say (         ).”

J7.”Why did you pull me over, Officer?  Was I driving  too fast?”

     “No, sir.  (          ).”

J8.”Oificer, could I have a word with the man you caught burglarizing my house last night?”

     “We really can’t allow that, sir.  Just let us take care of him.”

     “Oh, it’s not for revenge or like that.  (          ).”

J9,”Some guy just drove off in your car!”

     “Oh no!  Did you see what he looked like?”

     “No, but (          ).”

J10.”Here’s another drunk, Sarge.”

     “Hey, this man’s not drunk.  He’s been drugged!”

     “I know, Sarge.  (          )”

If you are planning to step into the police station yourself, you will need to have your ANSWERS all ready.

     A1.Business has been good; Waddya need?

     A2.Whistling them

     A3.I can see them perfectly if I go up into the attic, climb on the boxes by the window and use my grandfather’s telescope!

     A4.Stick ‘em up

     A5.That’s what I was doing when he hit me

     A6.Fine for Fishing

     A7.Flying too low

     A8.I want to know how he got in without waking my wife

     A9.I got the license number

     A10.I drugged him all the way from Walton Street!

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