Once upon a time, of course, religion and politics were two things you didn’t discuss unless you were among friends, and sure of your audience. This was before the invention of social media Nowadays, unless you’re screaming your convictions each day, you are an unaware, unpatriotic, and probably unworthy of your account.
This did not keep our ancestors from joking about these subjects, though. Last week in this spot, we covered religion, so let’s consider the more temporal side of the question. As always, these are jokes so old the punchline should be second nature to you, and so has been tucked away in the answers section.
J1.The postmaster at a little post office found an envelope addressed simply to GOD. Not sure how to route this, he opened it and read what a small boy had written:
“Dear God: We are having a rough time. Dad can’t get work and Mom can’t fo her job unless she gets an operation on her foot. There’s no groceries, and my baby sister cries because she’s so hungry all the time. Please send us a hundred dollars. That would help.”
The postmaster had grown up in a poor home, and was touched enough by the letter to send it on to the district’s Congressman. That worthy was so touched that he put a ten dollar bill in an envelope and mailed it without any other message to the return address the boy had put on the envelope.
Not much later, the postmaster found a new envelope in the mail, addressed to GOD, with the return address the same as before. He opened it and read, “Dear God. Thanks for the money. But ( ).”
J2.”Don’t ho in there. The Senator’s been talking for two hours.”
J3.”Ma’am, we’re getting up a fund for a monument in honor for the late Senator Knoop-Busch/ Would you donate ten dollars to bury a Senator?”
“Here’s a hundred dollars. ( )”
J4.Senator Hayley was campaigning for re-election, and, aware of a new law allowing residents of the Mesquakie reservation to vote, took a trip out there, mounting a platform in a pasture to give a rousing speech. “I feel a real connection to you people!” ge declared.
“Oola Olla!” cheered the crowd.
“I know how much you have been neglected in the past and I will see to it that more funding is provided for your needs!”
The crowd roared, “Oola olla!”
“I know that, with your advice, I can usher in new legislation to repair your roads, provide 24-hour electricity, and build new schools!”
The crowd’s shout echoed through the plain. “Oola olla!”
When his speech was done, he asked his host, “I’d like to take a look around your reservation. That’s a fine herd of cattle you have there.”
“Better walk over on this side, Senator,” the man told him, “Otherwise ( ).”
J5.”When the United Socialists take over the government, everyone will have strawberries and cream for breakfast!”
“I don’t like strawberries and cream!”
“Under the United Socialist administration, lady, ( )”
J6.The Republicrat candidate in the debate pointed to the Democan and said, “My opponent is a very rich man. Now, there are many ways to get rich, but only one honest way.”
“What’s that?” demanded the Democan.
“Yep,” said the Repunlicrat, “( )”
J7.”Listen, bud, it’s no use you blathering around here. I’d vote for Satan himself before I’d vote for you.”
“Well, okay. But ( ).”
And here, among the ASNWERS, are things you already knew.
A1.next time don’t send it through Washington. They took ninety percent.
A2.He hasn’t said
A4.Or you’ll step in the oola olla
A5.You will have strawberries and cream and like it!
A6.I figured you wouldn’t know
A7.If your friend decides not to run, can I count on your vote?