The metropolis in which I reside officially decreed, on June 11, that it was Over It. That is, it reopened, declared Mission Accomplished on this latest pandemic, and freed its citizens to go back to the life they were living up through March, 2020. (Except you can’t visit the businesses which closed its doors for good, and you WILL be expected to stay six feet from people if they prefer it, and you’ll have to wear a mask if you visit a hospital, a school, a prison, or if you use a cab or a bus or a train, or if you venture into a business which politely requests you to wear a mask. Everything except that is okay.)
Now, I am as excited as the next blogger to see life getting back to normal, but while we wait to see whether it’s the Old Normal or some New New Normal, I am aware that there are certain segments of our society which are going to be greatly inconvenienced by this declaration. This of course includes all the businesses which spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on pandemic precautions, and cultural institutions which assumed this pandemic would go on for another year or so, and arranged a whole lot of Zoom events. But I am especially concerned for the stores and businesses which strobe to supply us during the emergency.
In other words, what the heckfire are they supposed to do with these warehouses full of hand sanitizer, latex gloves, and facemasks?
Well, your Uncle B,ogsy is perfectly available for consultation on these matters, and at a very low price, too. (What did it cost you to open up this blog? That’s what I thought. I’ll work on that next week some time.)
I am not SO worried about the latex glove surplus. We kind of moved out of that phase months ago, and I assume these are already moving out through their Old Normal venues: cleaning companies, Book Fair volunteers with dusty books to process, food service workers, and so on.
Hand sanitizers will probably sustain their vogue for a while (they took the place of singing to yourself to make sure you washed your hands long enough) and, in any case, they ARE supposed to be seventy percent alcohol. It’s just a matter of finding the right mixer.
But all those facemasks: homemade and commercial! They became political flags for a while and then symbols of security and safety. A goodly percentage of the population will go on wearing them for a while, and others will need one to carry, for admittance into certain places. But there are millions awaiting users who may never come for them. Can they be reurposed?
All of your Uncle Blogsy’s remarks about their application as beachwear have been met with scowls and/or sneers, so I will not even MENTION that here (though some of the more decorative ones might still…no, no, put the pitchfork down. I will desist.)
I think there is much to be said for the suggestion of a reader of this blog that they would make excellent Hamster Hammocks. The application is excellent but it must be admitted that there simply aren’t enough hamsters to go around, another problem of modern society which the government has not sufficiently addressed. (Don’t blame the hamsters: they seem to be willing to work on the problem. It’s one reason they could use a hammock or two.)
We are well into the season for iced tea, or iced coffee, if you prefer. Why not brew up a little something using those gourmet loose teas you got for your last birthday using these handy strainers? I do NOT know how well they’d work in a coffee maker: check first and see whether there are wires or plastic support strings which might melt during the process (unless you’;re one of those microwave chefs who makes the mistake so often you’re used to the flavor of molten plastic in your grilled cheese.)
You could get a bunch and decorate them as party favors. Sketch a tuxedo and cummerbund on them and have a gathering where formal dress is required. Or plaster slogans on them and have your group wear them at their next protest rally. You could really come up with varieties to wear for Halloween, including, of course, sparing some for padding yourself to dress as Elvira, Mistress of the…okay, okay, I’ll put that away with the bikini suggestion. Gosh, you people are particular about where you wear your masks.
Blogsy Babbles 