Antique postcards with cars tell us how different driving was, once upon a time. They take us back to when steering wheels were just replacing the tiller and all cars were reverse convertibles (you had to stop somewhere to put the roof ON.) Dusty ghosts of bygone rules rise from the past and we recall the days when cars were such a novelty that just about any driver would be arrested just for having a noisy mechanical vehicle
On the other hand, antique jokes with cars can show us how much the same we are. Someday I shall analyze the diary of an Illinois sheriff of 1907 who considered buying his office a car and came back snarling that all car dealers were liars and rapscallions. In the meantime, here is one of our good old fashioned joke quizzes, with the set-up in the first section and the punchlines below. Keep both hands on the wheel and your eyes on the text.
QUESTIONS
Q1.The teenager in his battered old jalopy was pulled over by a traffic cop. “You were doing sixty-five,” the officer told him. “Promise me you’ll keep an eye on your speed and I’ll let you off with a warning.”
The kid said, “Oh, please give me a ticket….”
Q2.The Dumpster Cinderella called the police in a panic. “Someone got into my garage and stripped my car! It looks all right outside, but when I get in, I see they’ve stolen the steering wheel, the dashboard, and even the glove compartment!”
“Keep calm, Ma’am,” said the voice at the other end. “Here’s what we want you to do. Take a deep breath, and then go to the garage and take a good look at the doors, especially the locks. Then call us again….”
Q3.The used car dealer was showing a customer a dented heap that still had most of its headlights and one and a half bumpers. “Here’s a beauty,” he gushed. “Only driven on Sundays by a little old lady.”
“Yeah?” said his visitor. “As….”
Q4.The customer walked around the old heap and asked the used car dealer. “Does it have air conditioning?”
“No,” the salesman admitted, “But you get good cross ventilation….”
Q5.The woman looked out the window on a drive through the countryside and complained to her husband at the wheel, “You don’t cuddle the way we used to when we were dating.”
He glanced over. “Well….”
Q6. The pedestrian leaped back too late and went flying as the car sped through the red light. “What are you?” he shouted, clutching his arm, “Blind?”
“Blind?” said the driver, speeding on, “….”
Q7.Bitsy was telling Betsy about her driving test. “I liked this instructor much better than the last one. He wasn’t always shouting when I forgot my signals or pulled out into traffic without looking.”
“Did he pass you?” asked Betsy.
“No,” said Bitsy, “….”
Q8.The cop came up to the window of the car he’d just pulled over for some very erratic traffic maneuvers. “Let’s see your license,” he ordered.
“Are you kidding?” the driver laughed. “….”
Q9.It had been a spectacular smash-up, but both drivers came out of it unharmed. The driver of the red car said, “Here, you look really shook up. Better have a bracer.” He pulled a flask from his back pocket and passed it to the driver of the blue car.
“Thanks,” said the second man, and took a healthy swig. “You need one too, I expect.”
“Not yet,” said the first driver. “….”
ANSWERS
A1.Otherwise none of my friends will ever believe this heap could go that fast.
A2.when you realize you were in the back seat
A3.a getaway car?
A4. Through the holes in the floorboard
A5. I haven’t moved
A6.I hit you, didn’t I?
A7.He passed out
A8.Who’d give ME a license?
A9.I’ll wait ‘til after these troopers smell your breath and fill out the accident report
Blogsy Babbles 