I have mentioned here and elsewhere how I personally, invented some million dollar concepts, only to be turned away by experts so that I gave up, allowing people with more grit and perseverance to get the glory and the money. The page-a-day calendar, the trivia board game, the shared universe short story anthology: these and other obsolete wonders were things I came up with in my spare time, only to be shot down. Well, I’m tired of it.
No, I am NOT going to burn the midnight oil developing my ideas. That takes effort. I am going to put them into a column so that I can do the Jules Verne thing and be credited long after I’m dead for coming up with these society-changing concepts. (I was told all through my childhood about Jules Verne’s talent as a science fiction author in coming up with ideas a century ahead of their time. The Interwebs are now filled with articles pointing out flaws in Jules Verne’s concepts for space travel and atomic submarines. I am willing to risk this. Greatness will prevail despite nitpickers. Anyway I’ll be too busy asking the superintendent of facilities if we can lower the thermostat a bit to be counting the wreaths tossed on my headstone.)
Let’s start with a new concept for those mega-sellers online. All of them already have places you can click to see “What I’ve Bought”. This is hardly sufficient. We would appreciate adding a few new tabs to click like “Where I Put It Once I Bought It” or even “Why Did I Buy This?”
For people who are frustrated by always getting the wrong size spoon or tongs when collecting food from a buffet, I say the buffet should embrace this and make it fun. Ditch the spoons and tongs: put in one of those claw machines you used to see in penny arcades. Have customers put money in the machine and then take a chance on grabbing up as many Swedish meatballs or Salisbury steaks as that fiendish contraption will lift. Same result, more fun; most of us will spend more calories than we eventually consume.
Add a meter to the screen on social media platforms, charging so many pennies for each minute we spend viewing cute kitty videos. No, I’m not saying we should pay the creators. I’m spending MY valuable time watching their content: they should pay me minimum wage for that. AND if I decide to post a comment offering very helpful advice on the dancer’s footwork, outfit or personal appearance, I demand a bonus for my generosity in sharing my opinion. (If this results in a Nobel Prize for single-handedly shutting down social media, I can provide a mailing address.)
Every time I rummage through my Useful Stuff Repository (i.e. junk drawer) in search of a twist tie, I grab one that’s broken off way too short to be useful (Yes, I always throw it back in the drawer; I’m not a barbarian.) Why don’t kitchens in this supposedly civilized nation come with a twist tie dispenser. Put a spool of twist tie inside once a month, and then just reel out the length you require. (Yes, this WILL result in some people trying to twist tie lumber in the back of the truck when building a deck, but “no sweat, no swag” as nobody said ever.)
This is all I’m going to have room for in today’s column, but I have plenty more ideas at least as useful as these. I hear you marveling that I am not yet the beau ideal and matinee idol of millions. That IS what you’re marveling, right? No, don’t answer in the comments. Wait until they install the meter.
Blogsy Babbles 