I realize that my serialized publication of my unpublished coffee table boo on performances of Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol has a way to go, but as the season for actually watching these movies approaches, I thought I would add a few notes on which versions you should seek out.
By the way, one of the main reasons this book never got much of a nibble from any of the publishers who had their chance was expressed in a memo I got by mistake with one of my rejection slips. In so many words, the publisher’s reader asked why anyone would publish a book no one would read, and would only be BOUGHT during that three day period every year between the realization that Christmas was coming and the hundredth time they heard “The Little Drummer Boy”. I still disagree, but I must admit they had a point. Even those versions of A Christmas Carol which are given a four star rating in “Best Movies” guides never wind up on anyone’s list of Best Movies. A Christmas Carol is to be viewed at Christmas, with the family, apparently while eating popcorn and possibly playing Trivial Pursuit. Holiday movies never get their due.
But it was not the four star versions I wanted to talk about. I wanted to warn you about the half-star Christmas Carols. This will not be a comprehensive list. After all, I wrote my book in 1999, and have felt no responsibility to see every single version produced since then. And even then, I excluded all versions NOT set in nineteenth century London. So, continuing that theme, I cannot get into the All Dogs Christmas Carol (an extension of the All Dogs Go To Heaven series) or any of the pornographic versions (one of which, by the way, DOES include a surprising amount of the original text, even though set in the twentieth century and, um, interested in other things than Christmas merriment.)
Only one version which approaches this list made it into my original book. BOTH versions made starring Ron Haddrick as Ebenezer Scrooge were quickie made-for-TV animated cartoons, and show it. The one discussed in my text s the more interesting of the two, being downright weird, with its sudden inclusion of a musical number in a version which has no other songs. It has a large percentage of the original dialogue, and its occasional interpolations of new material are sometimes thoughtful, even when wedged in without much warning. (The Ghost, warning Scrooge that always rubbing his lucky coin will wear it away and destroy its value despite his love of money, is interesting, but it would be better if we had noticed this coin being rubbed at any point before this.)
I feel perfectly awful about mentioning Vincent Price in the context of bad movies, but we might as well admit that this constantly-working star was in a LOT of pictures where he was the most (or only) interesting part of the show. One of these is certainly “A Christmas Carol”, produced way on the cheap for television in 1949. Taylor Holmes plays Ebenezer Scrooge with gusto and a rich aroma of ham. To make the story fit into a half hour time slot, the key scenes are linked by scenes of Vincent Price in a library, reading us text to connect the scenes, except for the scene with young Scrooge’s fiancee, which is simply summarized by the Ghost so Scrooge can refuse to watch it. The script also decides to give Vincent that last “God bless us, every one.” He does all his lines with his usual polish and air, and he seems quite out of place with the rest of the show.(There IS one other point of interest, which I have just read about: one of the Cratchit children in this version is a VERY young Jill St. John.)
I disrecollect exactly why the animated version produced by Saban (the Japanese animation firm which gave us VR Troopers, among other classics) but this 1991 version is my absolute favorite among bad Carols. The Ghosts are suddenly all little fairy creatures with magic wands, and this version can NOT make up its mind whether it is a parody or not. From the moment Scrooge informs Bob Cratchit that he is going to buy a jet ski with the money an investor has asked be applied to health food restaurants we know where we are. (When Bob complains, he is told that it is, after all, 1843, and no one will be eating bran muffins for a century.) Scrooge’s tears as he realizes he has contributed to Tiny Tim’s upcoming demise are genuine, as the narrator informs us that “It was now that Ebenezer Scrooge realized he was the villain in this story.”. And, as I think I have mentioned, it is the only version which explains what happened to cause that death. (Tim is being trained as a jockey, being so tiny, but his parents can’t afford a horse with FOUR legs, thanks to Scrooge’s cheapness, so one day, as the fairy…Ghost explains, the horse will tip over on Tim and–this is the actual dialogue–SQUISH.)
But if you want to absolutely waste half an hour with the all-time worst version of A Christmas Carol which it has been my misfortune to watch, you’ll need to hook up your old VCR and find a copy of…but there, we’re out of time again And why should I offer the lawyers more business, even at Christmas?
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